My happiness vs. your happiness

I get a lot of crap for not being your average college girl. What do I mean? Well, I don't enjoy going out and partying as much as my peers. This doesn't mean I don't go out, it just means that if I end up sitting at home on a Friday night watching lifetime in sweat pants, that is fine by me. I have friends who love to go out, who can't imagine their life without the bars and parties and blacking out at least 3 times a week. Now, I won't lie, in my earlier years (the first 2 years of college) I was a party all nighter from South Carolina. (I couldn't resist the song reference.) I just feel like there is, or at least there should be, an expiration date on your party life. It's all fun and games for a while, but you reach a point when you need to settle down and prioritize and focus on what really matters. If you get a chance to go out every not and then, awesome, if not, no big deal. I have a friend, who was right there with me for all of my fun, but while I have slowed down, she is still on going. I am honestly amazed, and actually a little jealous. She has amazing grades, stays involved, but still finds times to go party. My one issue with going out is, people see you and people talk. I had someone say to me, "I say your friend (name) at the game last week, she was so drunk she fell every time she tried to walk." I was embarrassed for her. Maybe it's just me, but I don't want people to be able to say that about me. So I realize that I am in the minority for my age, and I am ok with that. I think my lameness bothers people around me more than it bothers me. I always hear disappointment in my mother's voice when I inform her I did nothing last night and will be doing nothing tonight as well. Sometimes I wish I had a really exciting life and went out all the time and had lots of great stories to tell.

Everyone has their own happiness, each individual finds satisfaction in different things. For some people, happiness comes in the form of alcohol, bars, parties, staying out til 3 and going to class with a hang over so bad you might even still be drunk. That's not my happiness. My happiness is sitting on the couch in sweats watching lifetime, reading gossip magazines, going to bed early, and waking up in time to be awake and prepared for the day. My zumba instructor always gives us a little pep talk at the end of class. Last Thursday, her story was that only you control how you feel, you can't control how other people feel and other people can't control how you feel. If someone is unhappy, it's not your fault. If you are unhappy, it's no one's fault but yours. Your happiness is your choice. Don't worry about what you feel like you should be doing, or what everyone else is doing, do what makes you happy.

The "Oh" face

Get your minds out of the gutter, I said "oh" not "O." Geesh..

Sex and the City is probably one of the greatest TV shows of all time, but that's not the moral of my story. Who doesn't remember that episode, right after Carrie and Aidan had broken up due to Carrie's sleeping with Big (it was totally fate just doing its thing.) You remember this episode (unless you don't watch SATC because you live under a rock) Carrie unfortunately ran into Aidan's new gal pal, Nina Katz. I put it in italics because you have to say her name in the voice that says, "devil woman." Moving on, I don't really remember what was said, but basically Carrie tells Nina who she is and Nina gives Carrie, dun da dun, "the face." Oh you remember, and you are probably making that face right now, I am. Oh no she didn't! Oh, yes she did! Of course, Carrie and the gals analyzed "the face" and we all watched as Carrie eventually confronted Nina about, "the face."

But let's be honest, we have all received the face, or given the face ourselves. In the past week I have been the giver and the receiver of the "Oh" face. What is that oh face you ask? Well, for instance, I was at one of my friends apartments, and I use the word friend loosely, and asked her who she was going to the game with. She told me she was going with boy. My response? A very awkward, "Oh." Why? This boy is the same boy who just dumped her for the 3rd time a week ago. So obviously, it caught me off guard and I didn't know how to respond, so all that came out was a very awkward oh face. Now you are catching on.

Giving the Oh face is awkward, you immediately start with "What I meant is, that's great news!" (lie) But honestly, you can't save an oh face, my advice? Let it go, say your oh and walk it off.

Giving is awkward, but nothing pisses me off more than receiving. For instance, I had an interview for a position in my sorority which I was very nervous about. The position comes with a lot of pressure and I am already stressing over if I can handle it. But that's another story. As I was waiting to go in, I was talking to a fellow sister who asked what I was interviewing for, when I told her she got a confused look on her face and said, "Oh." My blood boiled in like, 2 seconds. I was already nervous and on edge so I snapped back (so unlike me) and said, "um, yeah." (I also gave a mean look, again, unlike me.) She immediately started stuttering and trying to fix herself while I am thinking to myself, thanks a lot b*tch! So as I walked away, I had two emotions hit me. My first reaction was, how dare she?! I wanted to call all my friends and tell them what had just happened and then we could all join together and say, "Oh no she didn't!" But then, I had a thought. That is exactly the reason I want to do this. I was interviewing for this position because I wanted it and I knew I could do it. I'll admit, I am a bit of an under dog, I know people don't really know what I am capable of. I know that people hear that I'm going after this position and give the oh face. But that's OK with me. I want the oh face. My ultimate goal is to prove to people that I can and I will rise to occasion and do my very best. I want Oh faces because I intend to give people the good kind of oh face at the end of all this. (Outta the gutter, still not that O, wrong blog for that kinda talk.) I want people to see what I can do and say "Oh...wow." I nailed my interview and I honestly think that this girl's oh face was the reason why. I was so nervous and was doubting myself and honestly about to talk myself out of it, and this girl reminded me of exactly why I wanted this in the first place. So bring on your "oh" face, because I'm bringing my A-game.

Hurt so good..

As a child, you learn the difference between a need and a want. All children swear to their moms that they need this toy or they need that candy, but in reality, they only want it. This is where mom's come in and teach you the difference. Even though, it is still easy to get them confused as you grow up. "Mom, I totally need these shoes." Yeah, how many times have we done that? Too many, that's for sure. You would think by the time we become grown ups we would know the simple difference between a need and a want. I need to go to class, but I don't want to. I want to buy these shoes, but I don't need to. Simple enough right? Leave it to men to ruin something so simple for us. You know that bad boy that you totally want, but you definitely don't need? You know better, you are fully aware that he is the last thing you need. So logic says, you should not call him, text him or see him. Simple enough. But yet what do you do? Run straight to him. How about that one who got away but won't stay away? That ex of ours that we really needed to get rid of, and finally did, even though we didn't want to. But them when he tried to get back into your life, you know that you need to let him back in like you need a hole in your heard. Since we know the difference between need and want, why do we always make wrong choice? Often times doing what we want doesn't end up giving us what we need and we are left hurt. So we do we inflict this pain on our self? It seems like a simple enough choice, do only what you need to do. But yet, our want always outweighs our need. Maybe because our heart always outweighs our head and most of the time, our want is tied to our heart and our need is tied to our heart. In a case of head vs. heart, heart always wins, even when our head is right.

The one who got away but won't stay away..

We all have the one ex in our past. The one who at one point in our lives we thought was the one, you know who I'm talking about because I am pretty sure right now his picture is flashing on your brain, don't worry, it's happening to me too. That one guy you were in love with, your true love, and for whatever reason, however long ago, it ended. I am going to go out on a limb here and assume he broke up with you, face it ladies, that's usually how it goes. So there was a point where you were at your lowest, you didn't get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and get another pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. You cried until you literally couldn't cry anymore. You thought your life was over (obviously, it wasn't.) Eventually, you got out of bed, put down the ice cream and moved on with your life. You are in a good place now. Sure, every now and then your mind will play a memory, and you will smile, maybe even feel a sharp pain in your gut, but then you shake it off and go back to your life. But, it never fails that these boys have like a special radar. A radar that tells them, "Well, her life seems to be going pretty well, so I think I should give her a call and mess things up." So they call. You see their name on your caller I.D. and it's like a natural disaster is happening. You freak, probably gasp out loud, grab the nearest person and go through 100 different questions in your mind and even though you know you should hit ignore, you answer. And then it happens, he speaks. Suddenly the floodgates of hell have opened and your feet float off the floor and your mind goes to mush and a thousand different pictures flash in your mind. Your first kiss, your first date, your first "I love you," all those sweet little memories, (funny, none of the bad things like the BREAK UP seem to come to mind.) You honestly don't even hear what he's saying because you are too busy shouting in your mind, "HE LOVES ME! He's coming back for me!" Wrong. He simply just wants to say hey and see what you are doing. So you have a little convo, catch-up, and then the conversation is over. He hangs up the phone and goes back to his guy life (whatever that means.) But your story is much different. The minute you hang up, you activate your friend phone tree and call everyone you know to see what they think. Your mind, and heart, is racing while you dissect every single word he said. (He totally wants you back.) Nevermind the fact that he only called to say hello (he was probably bored.) You are already planning your wedding. So finally, after you don't hear from him again, you realize that he doesn't want you back and he really did just call to say hello. Ouch. Why do they do this to us? Do they realize what kind of super-natural hold they still have on us? This obviously doesn't happen to them otherwise they wouldn't call. This unfortunate, but inevitable, scenario literally feels like another break-up. Think about you, you have to go all the steps again (hopefully quicker.) You cry, scream, pout. You even wonder why he is not calling again. And eventually, you move on with your life. That is, until he wants to catch-up again. What a vicious cycle. It's not fair that they can throw our lives completely upside down with one phone call, but yet they are completely unaffected by it. Typical male, no feelings. It makes you wonder why you ever date again, because the last thing I need is TWO guys doing this to me. One is more than enough. The Iphone needs to create an app for blocking ex-boyfriends unless they actually want to get together. Help a sister out all you computer nerds. My Iphone can do anything I want it to, and things I don't, but it can't help me avoid pain and suffering due to boys.

Rules, Schmules..

So my single friends and I have been discussing our single-ness, what else are we supposed to do with our lives? And we have all been talking about how the rules have changed. Now, I have two brothers, therefore I do have insight into the male world and how it works, plus don't misinterpret this and think that I understand the male species because I sure don't (If I did, would I be single?) I remember the high school days, it seemed that I always, always had a boyfriend! They would call, mom would take me to the movies where we would meet up and awkwardly hold hands in the two-seater chairs and when the "date" was over, we would rush home to chat about how much we like each other on AIM. Oh, those were the days. The way of the world was simple, boy pursue girl. Boy call girl, boy AIM girl, boy text girl, whatever way you like, boy contact girl. Boy tell girl he likes her. Boy and girl go to movies and viola, boy ask girl out. That was how it happened. But, something happens when you grow up, you get to college and the way of the world changes. No one tells you though, that's the tricky part, you have to figure it out on your own. This is college, but I've been in it 3 years and have yet to take Reading the Male Mind 101. The tables turn and boys discover beer, bars, and gullible freshman girls. The whole boy pursue girl thing, totally out the window. What genius decided that when you get to college, it suddenly becomes to girls job to pursue boy. I am so not OK with this. I don't want to pursue boy, i want boy to pursue me! This is the south people, what happened to chivalry? Courting? It's the good girls who are sitting around waiting to be pursued who are single (hello, prime example.) But I just don't get why we accept this? This is wrooooong! I'm telling ya, its a date-eat-date world out there and nice girls are finishing last! I, reluctantly, have decided to test this girl-seek-guy theory. I want to see if it actually works. If I (girl) approach experiment (boy,) I should have a positive reaction? So, my challenge for myself and all my other single ladies is to go out there and pursue! I guess guys have just become so dumb and lazy that it is now up to us to do the match making. As if boys didn't already expect us to everything else for them! I don't like it, but hey, it's 2009, things have changed.

Window Shopping

There are many sayings out there that I just can't stand, mostly because my parents say them 594 times a day. One of those is, "The grass is always greener on the other side." Hate it. It's one of those things I just ignore. But, I have heard the concept behind this saying presented in a new way and it actually means something to me. During sorority recruitment, the last round is a very emotional thing and it involves speeches. While I can't tell you what was said verbatim, I can tell you that the concept was, "from the outside looking in." This didn't mean a whole lot to me at the time, but I recently had a situation where it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a very naive GDI (non-greek) basically bash my sorority and all that goes with it. While yes, I complain about somethings I have to do, the good still out weighs the bad and I still love it. While this person was telling me how it sounded like I was a member of a cult, the first thing that came to my mind was, "spoken like a true outsider." That's just it. Have you ever walked past a store window and done a double take? A pair of shoes sitting on display catches your eye and you instantly attach yourself to the window and drop your jaw in awe of their beauty. You are positive that you must go inside and buy them and it will for sure change your life. (Hello, anyone seen Confessions of a Shopaholic? Girl in the green scarf!) So you storm in and demand them in your size and decide to try them on just to solidify the fact that you need them. But then something awful happens, once those glorious shoes are actually on your feet, they aren't as fabulous anymore. Is this the right shoe? Can't be.. but unfortunately, it is. So you walk out of the store defeated and sad. From the outside looking in, it looked amazing, but once inside, the reality was completely different. Looking in on a situation that you don't understand at all, you really have no leg to stand on. It saddened me that this person felt like they had the right to criticize my sisterhood and they know nothing about it. This happens every day, people feel the right to make opinions from the outside looking in. How many times have you actually bought something and been completely satisfied as a result of window shopping? It is a rare occurrence. So just remember that if something looks fabulous in the window, try it on, it may not be so fabulous once it is on you. And if something doesn't look so great on the mannequin, try it on, it could change your life.