Reality-Check

Here I am about to enter my Junior year of college. In 2 very short years I will be graduating and heading out into the real world. My entire life my life plan has been as follows: Go to amazingly huge and wonderful Southern University (check,) join the best sorority full of the finest girls on campus (not so much) find the most proper southern gentleman coming from a very prominent southern family (still looking..) be proposed to with a 4 carat beautiful diamond and have my very own candlelight (there's still time..) graduate and get married and live the best life ever. OK, well obviously nothing has gone according to plan. This is causing me to have a midlife crisis, well I suppose since I haven't even hit 20 yet, a quarter-life crisis. What am I doing with my life? Why am I here? Where am I going? I am taking a class this summer and we have to make a resume, sounds normal right? This made me realize that I have nothing to put on said resume except a sorority I don't even like, hyperventilation starts now. I don't know what I want to do with my life, all I know is I want to do something fabulous and somewhere fabulous. Every day of my life I wonder, would I be happier somewhere else? Should I transfer? Should I get a job? Should I be doing an internship? Is this what my life is going to be? Is this as good as it gets? I am obviously full of questions, but not full of answers! College is supposed to be the greatest 4 years of your life, what if I don't feel that way? What if I am spending my college days worrying about what I am going to do when my college days are over? Do other people feel like this? Are other people as happy as they seem? Does anyone my age actually have it all together? Sad thing is, only I can decide what I want to do, which is a problem because I don't know. I need someone to tell me what to do, maybe I should hire a life coach? That would be horrific, but, I do feel like I need that. I only have 2 years left, I want them to be amazing, so wonderful that I look back on them and smile. I also want them to be worthwhile, I should be working toward some kind of career goal so that when I do graduate, I am for sure headed somewhere fabulous. Time to start figuring out what to do in order to get my fairy tale southern life.

Humbling Reminder

I think that every now and then God sends a long something to hit us in the head and remind us how blessed we really are. I often get caught up in my own life and in my own problems and forget that there are many, many people in this world who have it way worse than me. I forget how lucky I am all too often. In one of my classes we are working on a group project, I got to talking with a girl in my group and what I learned about her shocked me. She was telling me that she is getting married at the end of the month, sounds amazing right? She has been engaged for 8 years, she gave birth to her son right when they got engaged, she knew she couldn't afford a wedding so they have been saving up for 8 years! An engagement is something I get so excited dreaming of, I'll get engaged and have about a year to plan the perfect wedding and never bat an eye about who will pay for it all. On top of saving up for her wedding, she works the night shift at the children's detention center, I can't even begin to imagine what that job is like not to mention working through the night. She then told me that she pays for school her self. So lets recap, planning a wedding, has an 8 year old son, works all night long, goes to school during the day and pays for school her self. Wow. I think my life is hard and I don't do anything other than go to school which I definitely don't pay for myself. It reminded me that I am so blessed that I can't even comprehend what living her life would be like. It reminded me to stop and just be thankful for all that I have. I genuinely wish that everyone could be blessed like I have been but I know that isn't possible. People like this girl in my class show me that some people really do struggle and people really have it hard. Next I get stressed out and think that my life is tough, I will think of this girl and remind myself to stop whining, life could be a lot worse.

Destination Unknown

Today, I woke up and decided it was a great day for a road trip. Most people slept in, went to the pool, stayed in bed til noon, or just did nothing, I on the other hand hopped in my car and headed to Atlanta. I just love that place, I don't have to do anything except be there and it instantly makes me happy, it's kind of like therapy for the soul. So after my day of shopping was done, I headed back down the interstate, well, I happened to be on the phone and missed the exit. I ended up on like the main road of Atlanta so I wasn't totally lost, (but dangerously close.) Instead of panicking (I do have a GPS if things got really bad,) or calling my mom freaking out, I decided to just ride it out, I had to come out somewhere right? While driving it was so fun to see new things and places, it was like being on a mini adventure. Along this adventure I discovered Atlanta has a Blue Fin (one of my fave sushi places in NYC!) I also decided that I would be OK with marrying someone who wanted to live in Buckhead. Eventually I was able to use my marvelous directional skills and navigate back to the interstate, ok so I turned on the GPS. BUT, my little journey made me realize something, being lost and not knowing where to go is scary, nerve racking, thrilling and exciting all at the same time, but being lost can be a good thing. Sometimes, just cruising, going where the road leads, wherever that may be, is the best thing to do. It's terrifying to me that I don't have a life plan, that I don't know what path my life is on, but instead of worrying about it, I should enjoy it. I should enjoy being young and not having to have a plan. Sometimes being lost is the best way to be.

Big fish, small fish, red fish, blue fish

In class today, we were on the topic of organizations and how they work, how they operate, yada yada. We got to talking about how someone bosses or big CEO's forget that once upon a time, they were the intern, or the newcomer, at one time they too were scared to death of walking through the office doors. Well, here on campus right now they are having orientation for incoming freshman. Let me just say, I think we are one of if not the only school that has an orientation so detailed that it is literally a camp, it lasts 3 days and you have a counselor. I think its a little unnecessary but that's a whole different topic. Point being, this got me to thinking, or should I say going down memory lane. I remember my freshman days, (yes I do realize I am only a junior.) It really is hard to believe that I am halfway done with college (scary, halfway to the real world.) I remember the excitement, the hope that you have for all the great things to come. I remember being so optimistic about the things to come. I knew college was going to be amazing. Campus seemed so big at first, but now, it seems so small. It doesn't seem as great anymore, I don't get a rush of excitement driving downtown, I don't light up when I pass someone wearing my school's hat or shirt. After a while, you lose the meaning of why you came here, I remember the moment I decided to come here. I was so mesmerized, so in love with everything I saw, and this was before I even got out of the car. Its sad that this feeling has to go away. This is true in all areas of life, as we grow up we forget the little things, how exciting small things used to be. I feel we all grow up and just lose that excitement for life. So I am going to try and take some time and small at small things, take some time to notice the young freshman on campus who couldn't be more excited and nervous, or the old couple holding hands downtown, or even just look around at where you are and remember how you felt the first time you saw it.

College

I don't know if any of you have heard the song, "I love College" by Asher Roth. Well, let me just say, typical boy. This song really bothers me, and I mean really. Which brings me to the question, why do people go to college. College is not cheap, oh no no, have you ever sat down to look at the numbers? I mean, tuition by its self, especially for us out of state folks, is outrageous, then you have to add in books, living, sorority/fraternity dues, its nuts! Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I go to class every day, go to the library every night and never step foot downtown. However, I realize the importance of this so called education that I am getting here. I realize that I am not paying, 'scuse me, my father is not paying for me to party every single day. Where I grew up, college wasn't something people talked about. No one even thought about going to college, shocking I know. I was the weird one who not only wanted to go to a university, but out of state! I think we all forget what a privilege it is to go to college. Now, I do go to one of those big huge fabulous southern university where most of us are just living on daddy's money, but, I still think we should all be thankful. What I'm really saying, is I don't understand why people like Mr. Roth's song so much, I mean, yeah I love college too but for extremely different reasons! I love going to class and meeting people, football games, sorority life, walking around campus and seeing friends, walking around shopping downtown. There's plenty more to college than partying like a rock star, I'd love to know where Mr. Roth went to college, if he did at all, and what kind of grades he made.

Congratulations, You're Single!!

I have turned into a night owl recently, not by choice, I just can't seem to go to sleep these days. But, staying up late at night gives me extra hours to watch TV, read or simply just think. Yesterday, I was reunited with people I haven't seen in at least a year, if not more. We all chatted about life, what we've been up to, and it seems like many of them had relationships to talk about. Someone was getting married, someone was pregnant, someone was engaged, someone was trying to get engaged, everyone had something. And then, there's the infamous, horrible, disgusting question, "What about you, are you seeing someone?" To which of course I get to respond with, "no, I'm not." (One of these days I'm going to think of something clever to say..) These situations always make me (the single girl) the victim. Once you answer with "no, I'm not dating anyone," you instantly get the, "Oh." And then comes the look, the overwhelming look of pity on their face. I just don't know how being single became something that deserved pity! Why don't we feel sorry for the people who are in relationships, why do we only feel sorry for the singles? I love my friends, but in the group, I am the token single girl. Every time we all get together, I get to be entertained by their stories of their not so great relationships. It really just disgusts me to hear all the stupid things these jerks are doing, but that's another story. Point is, when I hear them go on about how not so great their relationships are, I learn to appreciate my singleness. I don't have a man holding me back, questioning my where abouts, no ball and chain to tie me down! Since when is that something to pity? I see so many amazing and cute girls date total losers for fear of being single. Most girls would rather date a chump than be single, (and we wonder whats wrong with our country these days.) So honestly, I think I am the lucky one, now don't get me wrong, I'd love to be in a relationship, but I'm not going to settle for just anyone. Why sacrifice perfectly good single me time for a loser? Why is it the norm for singles to be pitted and made uncomfortable, society makes us feel ashamed because we don't have a partner. Honestly, I think its the ones in relationships who deserve the pity, not us. I say a congratulations is in order to all my single ladies, here's to being single and ready to mingle.

Home is where the heart is..

All of our lives are spent working towards one goal, moving away from hom and out on your own. I for one was itching to get out of my dreaded small town by the age of 16. Senior year could not have come fast enough for me. I was sick of the people, the places, everything about my town just disgusted me! It is a common feeling for all high school aged kids to dream of the day they graduate and are ablr to move on to bigger and better things. We pick colleges that get us as far away as possible from home. After years of wishing, we finally get to that beautiful day where we are away from our awful hometown. Life is good, your on your own and miles away from anyone you know. So why is it that once we finally get what we want, when we venture far away from home that something inside of us changes and we only want one thing, home. It happens to all of us, you realize that you didn't have it half as bad as your thought you did, (hate to say I told ya so.) It seems that of all the marvelous, fabulous, and far away places that we can go, nothing can ever replace home. Now, of course, there are still many things I do not enjoy about home, like for instance, the nosey small town people who have nothing better to do than gossip, the rednecks who gang up in Wal Mart, the people I went to high school with you have done nothing with their lvies and look at me as if I am some sort of alien, (it's called college, they should try it,) and most of all, those boring, lonely nights when you lay in your bed, in your old room and realize, you are growing up; life will never be easy like it used to be, pretty soon, you will have a home of your own, time has slipped out of your hands and out of your reach. By the time we realize the value of home, it is too late and the feeling is bitterwseet. It may be too late to appreciate somethings, but home will always be home, no matter how far away you are. Here in my world, I will always, always come home whenever I get the chance, and know that my family will be there ready to whip up a home cooked meal to make you feel like you are a kid again.