Sticks and Stones

I am almost positive that we were all told a little rhyme in our childhood that went something like, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Yeah, that's crap. It might have been a cute poem, and may have worked in convincing yourself words don't matter, but here's a newsflash, words matter.

I'd argue that words can sometimes hurt more than sticks and stones. Maybe it's because I'm a girl and we are sensitive, or maybe it's because I'm human and I have feelings. The words you say stay with someone forever. Sure, you can apologize and ask for forgiveness, but you can never take it back. It is easy to say things you don't mean while fighting with someone, but once the fight is over, you've left a scar with your words than can never be healed. 

I don't know if you have ever seen the horrible "reality" show Super Nanny, (If you haven't, you're not missing anything.) I happened to come across an episode while channel surfing the other day and was appalled at what I saw. A little boy, I think around 3, had the epitome of a potty mouth. He would yell and cruse at his mother or any one else for that matter. I sat there in horror watching him call his mother a  "stupid b*tch" and an "a**hole." It broke my heart to hear him talk to his mother that way. I realize he is just a baby, but words are words. No one should ever be called those things, especially by their own child.

It's inevitable to have fights with people you love, that's life, but it isn't normal to say things that are completely unacceptable. You'll eventually forget what you fought about, but you'll never forget the horrible things someone said to you. 

Happy Birthday to... ME!

Well, it's not exactly my birthday, yet! 12 days from today I will be turning 21 years old. I will be a legal beagle! No more fake ID (not that I do that..) and no more having to ask someone else to buy you alcohol, I will be a legal big girl! Every year, I start my birthday countdown in June, and for an entire month count the days until my personal national holiday actually happens. If there's one thing I believe in its birthdays. You get one day out of the year to celebrate you, what's more fabulous than that? A lot of people dread birthdays because it means your getting older, well all I know is I'm not getting older, I'm getting better! My love of birthdays, particularly mine, isn't a secret to those around me. By the time my birthday actually happens, my family and friends are going to be so sick of hearing about my birthday they will celebrate with me simply because it's over!

Since I was little, I've always imagine where I would be in life at certain ages. Where I would go to college, what I would be doing at 18, 21, 25, etc. As the monumental age of 21 approaches, I've started to examine my life, where I've been and where I'm going. Each year around my birthday, I always take a self-examination, to look at the person I've become. This year, being a year I've looked forward to my entire life, is different. For me, I always thought at 21 I would be preparing to graduate from a fabulous southern university and either engaged or close to it. Well, I'm reminded that 21 seemed a whole lot older when I was 13.

Now that I am almost 21, it feels so young, correction, it is so young! I still feel like a kid, I don't have all the answers and I sure as heck don't think I will any time soon. So I've slightly (majorly) readjusted where I thought I'd be at each age.

While it is true I will be a senior at a fabulous SEC school, I am no where near an adult. I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like it that way. I still have a lot left to figure out, but I feel like I'm on a good path. As far as the engagement goes, not a chance of that happening any time soon, I am finally in a relationship that has potential. I've realized that I have the rest of my life to be married, why rush it? We know we love each other and want to be together, but we also know that doesn't mean we have to get married before we're ready. I know that I need to be on my own for a little bit, I need to learn how to support myself. I don't want to marry PC and become completely dependent on him, I want to know that I can stand on my own two feet.

This birthday is special to me for many reasons, the main one being that at 21 years old, I am exactly where I want to be. I have been nothing but blessed my entire life, and it is evident in my life. I have an amazing family, great friends, an amazing boyfriend and I go to an amazing school. I truly couldn't ask for anything more than what I have now. So when blowing out candles 12 days from now, instead of wishing for a boyfriend (like I've done for the past few years) or wishing for a new car/purse/whatever, I'll simply wish for my life to stay the way it is now.

The impossible dream

When I was a single girl, I remember loving being single whenever a friend was having relationship problems or went through a breakup. It reminded me that I was lucky to not have to deal with that. Well, up until now I've been living in my little honey moon period of our relationship, I have forgotten that relationships aren't all butterflies and roses. 

This weekend a friend of mine was broken up with, after four years. While listening to her sob, I had a hard reality check. Here was a great girl crying her eyes out over a boy. A boy she thought loved her and wanted to spend forever with her. I was quickly reminded that sometimes, relationships do end.

My prince charming and I have come to a point where we have found our flaw. The thing that causes the problems in our relationship. While I love PC's job and all the it entails, I do not love how it consumes him 100% and I never hear from him. Last night was election night, a huge night for him. My Dad vetoed me driving the five hours to be with him, so naturally I pouted all day long. I was extremely disappointed that I couldn't spend this important night with him, so he reassured me that he would keep me updated as if I were there. Well, that didn't happen. As of now, I haven't gotten more than a two minute conversation in two days. Now, before you go accusing me of being needy and overbearing, hear me out. I don't need a call every minute of the day, I'm not that dumb. But what I would like is to know that on a very important night in your life, you wanted me to be there and since I wasn't, you can take the time to do what you say you're going to do and call. Hey, I'm not picky, a text will suffice.

Now that I've vented, this brings me to the point that no relationship is perfect. People fight and break up every day. Often times I see girls who are in search for the perfect guy, the perfect relationship, I have to admit I've been that girl. But frankly, it doesn't exist. Perfection isn't possible, and you can't hold your guy up to impossible standards, but where do you draw the line? I always tell myself to pick my battles, meaning, before I get worked up over something, how important is it really? The question is, how to you know when to fight and when to let it go?

I feel like that's the thing about relationships I'll never figure out. A lot of the times, something important to me, isn't important to him. What's worth fighting over? The best I can figure out if its something that will continue to upset me, its worth talking about. I realize no relationship is perfect, and even though I call him Prince Charming, I still realize that he isn't perfect either. 

Big Girl Relationship

I am slowly but surely learning the difference in a mature relationship vs. every other relationship I've ever had. When you are younger, you have a boyfriend because he's the hottest guy on the football team and you're a cheerleader, so why not? You have a boyfriend simply because you can. You and your friends date guys who are all friends so that you can all go on dates together. Young relationships don't take any work because they are easy. You see each other at school, you text whenever you aren't together, you don't have jobs or responsibilities so you can spend all your time texting, talking on the phone, or going to the movies.

When you grow up, relationships change, just like everything else in your life. My boyfriend has a big boy job. A job he loves and is so passionate about, and honestly I love his job too. (After all, politics is what brought us together.) But to say his job is time consuming is an understatement. Needless to say, we aren't spending our days texting and talking on the phone for hours. The real kicker comes in at the fact that we are about 7 hours away from each other. So, not only do we not have time to talk, there's not chance at seeing each other. I don't have to tell you that this is a frustrating situation.

So I'm sure you're asking, why? Well, when you know you want to be with someone, you have to take whatever circumstances life gives you. I won't lie, I can be a needy girlfriend sometimes, so every now and then I pout and tell him he doesn't have time for me. (Yeah I know, I'm such a girl.) The other night while we were talking, he said something that really meant something to me. Sometimes he says really smart things, and I can't help but smile and be proud. He told me that he wasn't dating me just to have a girlfriend, or because he was bored, because he doesn't have time for a girlfriend and it was the last thing he wanted right now. He said, "I'm dating you because I want you, not a girlfriend, you. I know I have to make this work because I need you in my life." He's exactly right. We aren't dating because it's fun (it's not) or because I think he's cute, we're dating because once we met, we knew there was no way we could ever not be together.

I know it sounds cheesy, and trust me I want to vomit for becoming "that girl in a relationship." This relationship is different from any other. It's more like a partnership, we're sort of like a team. We met and our relationship happened faster than a speeding bullet, but never once have we questioned it. It's not fun, it's not normal and it's definitely not easy, but it's right. We know that we don't have a choice but to be together, even if that means we must work extremely hard at it. It's not fun now, but I know one day it will be worth it.

Meet the parents.

There are not many situations I am afraid of. I can almost always talk to anyone. But there is a situation I haven't encountered often that absolutely terrifies me. Meeting the family.

I know this sounds quite trivial to some of you, but for me it is more terrifying than being in the dark. (Yes, I am still afraid of the dark.) I put a lot of value into family approval of relationships, which is probably why meeting the family makes me so nervous. If they don't like me, I'm done.

I dated a guy for a while and let's just say our families didn't exactly approve of the relationship. We were young and thought we were Romeo and Juliet, so we made the relationship last longer than it should have, without our parents acceptance. I can remember going to his house and feeling like an outcast. Walking into that house felt like walking onto a battlefield, no one acknowledged me or even tried to get to know me. It was a miserable experience that made me vow to never again date someone without family approval. 

Needless to say, meeting my new bf's family was terrifying for me. What if they didn't like me? If they didn't approve my fairy tale would go down the drain. Prince Charming and the Parents Who Hate Me, wouldn't exactly make for a story book romance. So of course, when the big day came, I stressed for hours over what to wear, what to say, what not to say. I went over and over in my head what I thought they would be like. For a moment, a thought came into my head that maybe I should tone down the make-up and amount of jewelry, to avoid coming across as high maintenance. I quickly realized it was a better idea to be myself 100%, they would either love me or hate me, but honestly was the best policy. So true to form, I wore an outfit with sparkles. 

On the way there, trying to hide my shaky hands was like trying to hide an elephant in church, not happening. Awful flashbacks of being around a family who hated me crossed my mind. I was not going to let that happen again, and I needed these people to like me, because I really like their son/brother/cousin etc. 

The first meeting went well. Everyone spoke and made an effort to get to know me. I jumped inside every time someone asked me a question. 

After spending more time, I have realized that my amazing boyfriend comes from an amazing family. I love everyone in his family and feel so welcomed around them. I knew he had to have an awesome family because he turned out so well. I am so relieved to say that his family makes me feel at ease, I want to spend time with them. 

One of the greatest joys of being able to spend time with his family is watching him interact with his family. He is a great son, a great brother, a great cousin and a great nephew. I saw that the same kindness he shows to me is definitely not an act. I realized that he is 100% of the time a great guy. He might have the sweetest mom in the world, and I really just want to applaud her because she raised an amazing son. 

My mom used to tell me that when the relationship is right, you will love their family. Having a family dislike me wasn't normal. Again, my mother was right. Falling for his family was simply another piece in the puzzle that fell right into place. An amazing guy with a more than amazing family, someone please pinch me. 

Six months ago if you had told me I would be happily in a relationship making all of you want to puke with my lovey dovey writing, I would have laughed in your face. I didn't expect this to happen, but I am so glad that it has. I am excited about the future, and I promise to keep you informed every step of the way.

Have car, will travel.

Relationships are never perfect, if you think yours is you are simply in denial. I have only been a girlfriend for almost two months now, but I can honestly say I have learned so much it feels like it has been much longer than that. Relationships can be close to perfect, but there will always be something, or somethings, that aren't so perfect. My only peeve about my relationship so far? The distance. Oh yeah, did I mention I am in a long distance relationship? Or, to be cool, an LDR. 

You are going to think I am crazy for this next statement, but just hear me out. There are, in fact, some pros to being in a LDR. Yes, I did just say that. First of all, I am a busy person, I thrive on having a lot on my plate and rushing around, therefore I spread myself extremely thin. Obviously, I can't date someone who sits on their booty all day long, so of course my bf is a busy bee too. Being busy would be a headache if we were in the same town, but didn't have time to spend together. Knowing that I don't have to throw in rushing home to cook a scrumptious dinner for my bf and be all dolled up is a blessing. (OK, so I don't cook, but I'm just saying.) We lead separate lives, which I think is great. We are different people doing different things, but we still are very much a part of each other's lives.

I don't have to tell you that my LDR does, quite frankly, suck sometimes. I have done a lot of driving so far and I see a lot more driving in my future. While on my long journey home from spending a weekend with the bf, I realized that in order to be successful in a LDR you must, I repeat, must have 100% commitment from both sides, otherwise it will absolutely fail. So far, we have been great about being equal in our efforts to see each other. I don't think that he should always come to me, or that I should always go to him. And yes, I dislike driving all over the South, I remind myself that is really the only bad part of our relationship. I don't like that in order to have a date with my bf, I have to drive at least two hours, but if you turn it around, in order to see my bf, all I have to do is drive two hours. Putting it that way makes my drive much easier. 

I am learning that relationships require effort, some more than others. Being in a LDR requires more effort than a normal relationship, but since we have both decided we are in this 100%, it is completely worth it. So yes, sometimes I whine about driving for hours, but I always quickly snap out of it. Would I seriously considering giving up Prince Charming simply because the relationship requires me to drive? Absolutely not.

Take it from me, I've been there.

Today I started working on my baby brother's high school graduation gift. I won't start crying about about I can't believe he's graduating because that would just be boring for anyone reading this. While browsing the card section, I realized that all the graduation cards stink. Step it up, Hallmark. They all said the same thing, "You made it, let's party!" Well, "let's party" isn't exactly the message I was hoping to send to my 17 year-old brother. The only other option was a money-holder card. No, I am not giving him any money, thanks Hallmark.

After 5 minutes of being really angry with the card selection, I decided I would write my own. It would be fabulous, I would simply write a letter to my baby bro. I thought it would be neat to write a "things I wish I had known going to college" sort of letter. While I start thinking about the past three years of my life, I realized something. All the "advice" I thought I should give him is advice people gave me, I just didn't listen.

Number one, go to class. Well, while this is great advice I heard many times, I didn't exactly listen. (Sorry mom and dad, ignore this!) Number two, make friends with your professors. This is a great secret to success I didn't figure out until my junior year. Number three, it is OK to miss a party every now and then. Believe it or not, you will not die if you stay in once in a while and relax! I know, it is really hard to believe, but you should definitely try it sometime.

I think the best advice I got that I didn't listen to is to leave your high school relationships in high school. So many freshmen come to college determined to make their high school romance last, despite the distance. It is true that some people do make it, most of them don't. It is always funny to watch them all dissolve around Christmas time. I wish I had listened, but I just knew it was going to work. Ha, who was I kidding.

So after all this I started to think, I got great advice, but I didn't listen, so why would my baby brother? I could give him all the advice in the world, but who says he will listen to me? We all know he thinks I have all the answers to life anyway (yeah right.) So I realized there is really only one thing he needs to listen to. The best advice I can give him is this, listen to other people's advice. I repeat, listen to other people's advice.

I think the smartest thing you can do is to listen to people who have been where you are going, they know what they are talking about, mainly because they didn't listen to people before them. If I could go back, I would have taken the advice given to me, so I can only hope that my baby brother will do just that.