Sticks and Stones

I am almost positive that we were all told a little rhyme in our childhood that went something like, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Yeah, that's crap. It might have been a cute poem, and may have worked in convincing yourself words don't matter, but here's a newsflash, words matter.

I'd argue that words can sometimes hurt more than sticks and stones. Maybe it's because I'm a girl and we are sensitive, or maybe it's because I'm human and I have feelings. The words you say stay with someone forever. Sure, you can apologize and ask for forgiveness, but you can never take it back. It is easy to say things you don't mean while fighting with someone, but once the fight is over, you've left a scar with your words than can never be healed. 

I don't know if you have ever seen the horrible "reality" show Super Nanny, (If you haven't, you're not missing anything.) I happened to come across an episode while channel surfing the other day and was appalled at what I saw. A little boy, I think around 3, had the epitome of a potty mouth. He would yell and cruse at his mother or any one else for that matter. I sat there in horror watching him call his mother a  "stupid b*tch" and an "a**hole." It broke my heart to hear him talk to his mother that way. I realize he is just a baby, but words are words. No one should ever be called those things, especially by their own child.

It's inevitable to have fights with people you love, that's life, but it isn't normal to say things that are completely unacceptable. You'll eventually forget what you fought about, but you'll never forget the horrible things someone said to you. 

Happy Birthday to... ME!

Well, it's not exactly my birthday, yet! 12 days from today I will be turning 21 years old. I will be a legal beagle! No more fake ID (not that I do that..) and no more having to ask someone else to buy you alcohol, I will be a legal big girl! Every year, I start my birthday countdown in June, and for an entire month count the days until my personal national holiday actually happens. If there's one thing I believe in its birthdays. You get one day out of the year to celebrate you, what's more fabulous than that? A lot of people dread birthdays because it means your getting older, well all I know is I'm not getting older, I'm getting better! My love of birthdays, particularly mine, isn't a secret to those around me. By the time my birthday actually happens, my family and friends are going to be so sick of hearing about my birthday they will celebrate with me simply because it's over!

Since I was little, I've always imagine where I would be in life at certain ages. Where I would go to college, what I would be doing at 18, 21, 25, etc. As the monumental age of 21 approaches, I've started to examine my life, where I've been and where I'm going. Each year around my birthday, I always take a self-examination, to look at the person I've become. This year, being a year I've looked forward to my entire life, is different. For me, I always thought at 21 I would be preparing to graduate from a fabulous southern university and either engaged or close to it. Well, I'm reminded that 21 seemed a whole lot older when I was 13.

Now that I am almost 21, it feels so young, correction, it is so young! I still feel like a kid, I don't have all the answers and I sure as heck don't think I will any time soon. So I've slightly (majorly) readjusted where I thought I'd be at each age.

While it is true I will be a senior at a fabulous SEC school, I am no where near an adult. I don't know what I want to do with my life, but I like it that way. I still have a lot left to figure out, but I feel like I'm on a good path. As far as the engagement goes, not a chance of that happening any time soon, I am finally in a relationship that has potential. I've realized that I have the rest of my life to be married, why rush it? We know we love each other and want to be together, but we also know that doesn't mean we have to get married before we're ready. I know that I need to be on my own for a little bit, I need to learn how to support myself. I don't want to marry PC and become completely dependent on him, I want to know that I can stand on my own two feet.

This birthday is special to me for many reasons, the main one being that at 21 years old, I am exactly where I want to be. I have been nothing but blessed my entire life, and it is evident in my life. I have an amazing family, great friends, an amazing boyfriend and I go to an amazing school. I truly couldn't ask for anything more than what I have now. So when blowing out candles 12 days from now, instead of wishing for a boyfriend (like I've done for the past few years) or wishing for a new car/purse/whatever, I'll simply wish for my life to stay the way it is now.

The impossible dream

When I was a single girl, I remember loving being single whenever a friend was having relationship problems or went through a breakup. It reminded me that I was lucky to not have to deal with that. Well, up until now I've been living in my little honey moon period of our relationship, I have forgotten that relationships aren't all butterflies and roses. 

This weekend a friend of mine was broken up with, after four years. While listening to her sob, I had a hard reality check. Here was a great girl crying her eyes out over a boy. A boy she thought loved her and wanted to spend forever with her. I was quickly reminded that sometimes, relationships do end.

My prince charming and I have come to a point where we have found our flaw. The thing that causes the problems in our relationship. While I love PC's job and all the it entails, I do not love how it consumes him 100% and I never hear from him. Last night was election night, a huge night for him. My Dad vetoed me driving the five hours to be with him, so naturally I pouted all day long. I was extremely disappointed that I couldn't spend this important night with him, so he reassured me that he would keep me updated as if I were there. Well, that didn't happen. As of now, I haven't gotten more than a two minute conversation in two days. Now, before you go accusing me of being needy and overbearing, hear me out. I don't need a call every minute of the day, I'm not that dumb. But what I would like is to know that on a very important night in your life, you wanted me to be there and since I wasn't, you can take the time to do what you say you're going to do and call. Hey, I'm not picky, a text will suffice.

Now that I've vented, this brings me to the point that no relationship is perfect. People fight and break up every day. Often times I see girls who are in search for the perfect guy, the perfect relationship, I have to admit I've been that girl. But frankly, it doesn't exist. Perfection isn't possible, and you can't hold your guy up to impossible standards, but where do you draw the line? I always tell myself to pick my battles, meaning, before I get worked up over something, how important is it really? The question is, how to you know when to fight and when to let it go?

I feel like that's the thing about relationships I'll never figure out. A lot of the times, something important to me, isn't important to him. What's worth fighting over? The best I can figure out if its something that will continue to upset me, its worth talking about. I realize no relationship is perfect, and even though I call him Prince Charming, I still realize that he isn't perfect either. 

Big Girl Relationship

I am slowly but surely learning the difference in a mature relationship vs. every other relationship I've ever had. When you are younger, you have a boyfriend because he's the hottest guy on the football team and you're a cheerleader, so why not? You have a boyfriend simply because you can. You and your friends date guys who are all friends so that you can all go on dates together. Young relationships don't take any work because they are easy. You see each other at school, you text whenever you aren't together, you don't have jobs or responsibilities so you can spend all your time texting, talking on the phone, or going to the movies.

When you grow up, relationships change, just like everything else in your life. My boyfriend has a big boy job. A job he loves and is so passionate about, and honestly I love his job too. (After all, politics is what brought us together.) But to say his job is time consuming is an understatement. Needless to say, we aren't spending our days texting and talking on the phone for hours. The real kicker comes in at the fact that we are about 7 hours away from each other. So, not only do we not have time to talk, there's not chance at seeing each other. I don't have to tell you that this is a frustrating situation.

So I'm sure you're asking, why? Well, when you know you want to be with someone, you have to take whatever circumstances life gives you. I won't lie, I can be a needy girlfriend sometimes, so every now and then I pout and tell him he doesn't have time for me. (Yeah I know, I'm such a girl.) The other night while we were talking, he said something that really meant something to me. Sometimes he says really smart things, and I can't help but smile and be proud. He told me that he wasn't dating me just to have a girlfriend, or because he was bored, because he doesn't have time for a girlfriend and it was the last thing he wanted right now. He said, "I'm dating you because I want you, not a girlfriend, you. I know I have to make this work because I need you in my life." He's exactly right. We aren't dating because it's fun (it's not) or because I think he's cute, we're dating because once we met, we knew there was no way we could ever not be together.

I know it sounds cheesy, and trust me I want to vomit for becoming "that girl in a relationship." This relationship is different from any other. It's more like a partnership, we're sort of like a team. We met and our relationship happened faster than a speeding bullet, but never once have we questioned it. It's not fun, it's not normal and it's definitely not easy, but it's right. We know that we don't have a choice but to be together, even if that means we must work extremely hard at it. It's not fun now, but I know one day it will be worth it.