Sunday, March 22, 2009

Their grass is totally greener...

We have all heard the saying, "The grass is greener on the other side." We have been told countless times that you always want what you can't have. Our entire lives have been spent being jealous of what someone else has, or what someone else does, etc. Why can't we all just be happy with what we have? When I was a young southern blonde I was constantly wanting everything around me. Don't get me wrong, I knew that I was lucky to have what I did have, but I couldn't help but want her hair, and her body, and her nose, and her car. I think its a normal part of life for all of us but I also think its a nasty cycle. Think about it, it starts off when your a youngin' and you want the toys everyone else has, no matter what cool amazing brand new toy you have, someone always has something you don't. Then you get to your teen years and you begin to covet more, hair, clothes, cars, grades, someone is always a level above you, dang it! Even into adulthood, its someones boyfriend, their job, their house, their kids, etc etc! When does the madness end!! My mom used to always say, "There will always be someone who has more than you." It so true, all my life there has always been someone who had just a little bit more than me. But heres how we turn this situation into something good. Let's turn it around, someone, heck maybe even a couple someones, wants what YOU have. Yes, its true. Sometime or another someone has said, "Gosh, i wish I was HER." Makes you feel good doesn't it? So next time you look at someone and turn green with envy, just remember, someone is looking at you just the same way. Remember, you are fabulous, and who wouldn't want to be a fabulous Southern Blonde?

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Froggy goes a courtin'

All fabulous Southern blondes have heard their grandparents and maybe even their parents say the word, "courting." For all of you yankees out there, courting was how dating was done in the good ol days. Now since I'm no dictionary, I'll cheat just a tad, court.shipn. 1. The act or period of wooing a woman. (American Heritage Dictionary, 1981) Courting was the way to go before internet, facebook, myspace, texting, sexting, email, cell phones, way back in the day when if a guy wanted you he actually had to get off his lazy beehive and do something about it, now that would be nice wouldn't it? These days, you just hope and pray that after a night of drinking that guy you think you met at a bar and your pretty sure he was sober, finds you on facebook. Now that's aiming high, because not only would he have to remember you, but he would have to remember your name! All the time I hear people say, "Chivalry is not dead!" Ok honey, what planet do you live on and how do I move there? Now, let me say something to calm all of you down who think I've lost it, I totally agree that there are some true gentlemen out there, true southern men, (if you know a good one, feel free to give him my number ;) .) The scariest thing in the world is the fact that there is now e-match making! I mean come on people, go out and mingle! Its too easy for the guys to find the girls, but its so hard for the girls to find what they want! When did dating become so difficult? Why is it so uncommon to meet a nice boy, have a good conversation, him ask for your number and to have dinner with you. Then he calls and scheduels said dinner and he picks you up by coming to the door, walking you to his car, opening your door for you and being a gentlemen the entire time! How sad is it that we consider it cute when he sends you a text, or a facebook chat? When was the last time a male called, and by called i mean your phone actually rang, and asked you to dinner, or better yet, just talked. We girls spend our life searching and waiting for Mr. Right, meanwhile Mr. Right is sitting on his lazy bum. Where are our southern values going people? I understand that times are changing, but does the way we date and find our mates (rhyme) have to change too? Instead of looking cute and presentable and waiting for the magic moment when our eyes meet across a crowded room am I now supposed to come up wtih a catchy screenname and log into a dating service?! It gives me such a headache. I've always dreamed of meeting Mr. Right like this: I'm at a friends party, mingling and looking super cute in my brand new Lily dress with perfect little wedges to match, my hair slightly curled and newly high lighted, I'm laughing with friends when he spots me. He, in his pastel colors and a collar, comes over and introduces himself, he has a very southern name, something with more than one syllable and we converse for hours. At the end of the night he askas to see me again and arrangements are made. Bada-bing bada-boom, we're married with 2 kids and a dog. Happily Ever After. Now, I think we can all agree that that sounds a lot more wonderful than, You've Got Mail. So I say, it's time for boys to go back to 1950, and learn how to catch a fabulous southern blonde because at this right, all the boys are worthy of is some chick who thinks she can wear white all year round (wrong,) have "help" in her chest area (wrong,) shop at Goody's and call it couture (really wrong), she also thinks no one can tell that her Louis is fake (oh yes I can,) and she drinks her tea unsweet and says you guys (oh. my. gracious.) Is this what we really want for our southern men? Step it up boys, we are waiting to be wooed.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Does this dress make me look fat?

Friends are the people who tell you when that dress you just bought makes your butt look like J.Lo and Kim Karsahian had a baby, they also tell you when you look so Lindsay Lohan skinny its dangerous. Your girlfriend is your go-to for all your q's, should you get bangs, what should you wear, should you dye your hair, they even tell you when its time to call Jenny Craig. Why is it that your girlfriends want advice on everything in their life until it comes to men? Who knows what kind of guy you should be with better than your BFF? Although, I never said I was perfect, I can remember after I ended things with loser of the moment, I would say to then BFF, "Why didn't you stop me?!" Only to get the, omg youre an idiot, look. We all think hes Prince Charming, if you look past that time you caught him sexting his ex, or that time when he told you he hated "insert word here" about you, or even that time he went as far to tell you his true feelings about your family, or heaven forbid, your shoes. We all dream of the day we find that guy that our bestie will meet him and smile and you know what that means, break out that folder you started when you were 12 with all your details and flowers and the numbers of the most fabulous cake designers and florist, its wedding time! So why is it that we waste our time on the guys that make the bestie go, "girl puh-lease!" Why is it that we stay with the jerk, the Jason Mesnick who will wait to broadcast our breakup to the national world?! I have a bestie now and let me tell you, she is worthy of a Prince Charming. but after all, she is a fellow blonde from the south. And she is wasting her time on the loser, with a capital L O S E and R! I being the smashingly intelligent blonde that I am knew from the beginning he was no greater than her bringing home Nick Hogan. After giving her every excuse in the world for not wanting a relationship, aka, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. They proceeded to have a "relationship" for several months. One day, after dropping her off from a date, she got a text, I repeat, a TEXT that said, "I just don't want a relationship anymore." Oh yeah, he really did. After crying for a week on my beautiful blonde shoulder, she tells me, "we are working things out." Now, my first reaction is, sweetie, he dumped you in a TEXT! I personally would like to kick him with my newly exfoliated foot where the sun don't shine, but my momma raised my better than that. After many heart to hearts she says to me, "Just let me make my own mistakes." I then realized that we girls want our friends to prevent us from any mistake we could possible ever make, unless it invovles a man. Are we so desperate to have a man in our life that we will let someone break up with us in a way a 13 year old would laugh at? This made me realize that I am entirely too desperate for a boy, yes, I admit it! I would love a charming southern gentleman in my life, but seeing my bestie wasting time on a loser who doesn't even deserve the kiss the bottom of her fabulous foot, tells me that waiting just might be worth it. So for all of you fabulous single girls reading every "find a husband" book known to man, get up and get moving. I say, work on you, go to the gym, find a new hobby, buy yourself something fabulous and celebrate you. Cheers to the day when you have someone to celebrate you with you.