Friend, Frenemy, same thing..

There's a quote out there, I believe it is from Dr. Seuss (obsessed) and it goes something like, "Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.” I have heard this quote numerous times, but today I realized its true meaning. I have a friend going through a difficult situation that we all have been through, if you say you haven't then you are lying! (Liar, liar, pants on fire!) She has fallen for a boy and (drum roll) he just happens to be one of her friends exes. (Gasp.) Now, before you go judging, because you probably are already thinking, who would do such a thing?! I know that we have all been there, maybe you have been the victim or maybe the do-er, either way, it is a familiar scenario. Now, I have been in this situation but it was back in high school. I had the typical absolutely gorgeous best friend, so naturally all the boys wanted her instead of me. So you can guess that I got used to guys breaking up with me and going to her. I'll be honest, I hated it, I felt so ugly, I never understand what was wrong with me! I finally got used to it! How awful is that? Well, listening to my friend go through this now, I realized something. We "friends" are not very friendly. What kind of friend tells you that if you date their ex from 2 years ago they will never speak to you again, that's just heartless. Dating is a game, you break up and you move on. If your best friend finds happiness, and it just so happens to be with a guy you once dated, so be it! As friends aren't we supposed to want each other to be happy? Since when are we allowed to say, "I want you to be happy, as long as I approve of your happiness." WRONG!! I know, some of you are yelling at me right now, because of the rule. Well, I disagree with that stupid rule. Unless your ex is your baby daddy, or you were engaged to him, he is free property sister!! If you care that much about your ex moving on, maybe you still have feelings for him and that's a whole new issue. I think it just really burns me up when I see so called 'friends' fighting over really mundane issues, like this. I realized that the only friends you need in your life are the ones who truly, truly want you to be happy. Even if that means dating their ex, if you are happy, they are happy. That's why I realized that it is true, those who mind don't matter and those who matter, don't mind.

Wrong, try again..

So I am reading this new book, yes, it is a dating book. But, it is a different type of dating book. I heard of this one on Cosmo Radio. This book is called "MENu Dating" by Tristan Coopersmith. This book isn't one of those books who promises that after reading it, Prince Charming will magically appear and you will live happily ever after. This book can be compared to a diet, its a program, with steps, and when you complete a step, you move on to the next level. It teaches you how to date effectively. But, I will talk more about the book once I actually read it. However, one thing has already stuck with me. That dating is a game of trial and error. You date this type, you either like it or not and you move on. This theory really makes sense the more you think about it. This made me think that not only is dating a game of trial and error, so is life itself. You spend your entire life trying things. When you are a child, your parents sign you up for soccer, basketball, cheerleading, dance lessons, everything possible. You either excel at it and continue, or they realize it is a waste of time. This trend follows us all throughout our life. When you grow up it is trial and error with careers, you try and try until something sticks. It's like when you go shopping, and you get an adrenaline rush because everything is so cute and you take more clothes to the dressing room than you can handle. But when you start trying them on, some things don't look as great as you thought they would, or that really cute flowy tunic makes you look prego. It's a game of trial and error, you can try on 55 shirts, but chances are, you won't like them all. I think if I could keep this in mind all the time, I wouldn't stress as much. Instead of making a big deal out of everything that happens in life, I should look at it as just another try. I'm trying something, giving it a shot and if it works out, makes me happy, looks good, etc, then great, I move on. But if it doesn't work, feels wrong, whatever, you just try again.

Hi, my name is Long Blonde Hair

So, today I got my hair done. Yes, I know that sounds like absolutely nothing. But, on this day, the 25th of August in the year 2009, I cut 3 inches off my long hair and added more low lites. (Gasp.) So my life long identity of Long Blond Hair, just became, Shoulder Length Dirty Blond. After leaving the salon, I was on a hair-high. I felt like I could do anything. I wanted anyone and everyone to see the new me and I wanted to tell the whole world to know that I was reborn. Now, yes, I realize that it is just hair, but I imagine that the rest of the girls in the world (or at least most of them) can relate. So I started thinking, why is it that a woman's hair can become her identity? My long, blond hair was me. It was who I was, it fit my personality, it fit everything about me. My name might as well have been long blond hair. But now, I feel so new. I feel like a brand new person. The world is mine all because I am now a shoulder length dirty blond. I am in a weirdly good mood, the sun is brighter, the sky is bluer, everything is right with the world. Now, after about a week, the newness will fade and I will go back to being me again, but until then, I have a new lease on life. It's no coincidence that when girls go through rough times, (break-ups, job changes, major life changes, etc) that the hair always, always changes. We chop it off, dye it, curl it, straighten it, dye it, something for a change. Hair is something that is ours, it is mine, I control my hair. No one can touch my hair, no one can have any say so on my hair, it is all mine. I think it is a power thing for girls, making a drastic change to our hair is our way of rebelling, acting out, making a statement, whatever. I think my hair change has come from boredom, uncertainty, stress, just wanting a change, wanting something new, and since I can't really make any life changes, I changed my hair. So, I think getting your hair done is the best thing you can do for yourself. Instead of spending money on a massage, go get a trim, or a blow out, or even just a shampoo from a salon. You will become a new woman and it will get people to notice you, after all, who doesn't love attention and compliments?

The Ugly Truth

So I went on a date the other night (that's a whole different story, which I will tell later.) But we went to go to see "The Ugly Truth", you know, the Katherine Heigl movie? Well, while the movie closely resembled "He's Just Not That Into You," it had a different, but important message. Katherine' character, which I can't remember her name, but it will come to me soon, was your basic control freak. But she did something that a lot of us women do, not just the control freaks out there. She had a list of criteria that a guy had to met in order to be good enough for her (hint: she had a hard time finding a boyfriend.) Her list was something like, "Likes red wine, has money, going to be a doctor/lawyer or something acceptable, tall, handsome, etc." She basically wanted the perfect guy. While I don't have time to explain the movie to you, go see it (its good,) Eventually she realizes that the problem with her love life isn't the guys, its her. She finally finds "Mr. Perfect," and she plays her cards right, and I mean follows every stinkin rule perfectly, and of course gets the guy. Eventually she realizes that even though she has the guy, she is no longer herself, she has become the perfect girlfriend.

So I realized, my problem with my love life isn't the male population, it's me. I have been entirely too picky, he's too short, his name is too common, his family doesn't have money, he's not this, he doesn't do that, etc. But at some point you have to realize there are way more important things in a relationship than liking the same wine. Sure, Mr. Perfect looks good on paper, but I realized that there is only one way to look at a potential partner, and it really is simple. Think about how things will be with this person when you are alone with him, no friends, no family, just the two of you. Can you have a decent conversation? Are you comfortable? Can you be yourself? If you answer yes to these, so far so good, if you answer no, then move on to the next candidate. Then ask yourself, if you were married to this person and you lost any money that you had, whether it be a billion dollars or just a few thousand dollars, what would be left in the relationship? Would you still be happy? Would you be able to go to sleep happy at night? The most important question you need to ask yourself is something that has unfortunately taken me too long to realize the importance of. What does this person believe in? What do they stand for? What do they value most in life? If your family is the most important thing to you, and they don't speak to their family, you might have problems. Will he go to church with you? Will he pray with you? If you can't agree on beliefs and values, then your relationship is doomed from the start.

My entire life I have dreamed of marrying your typical Southern gentlemen who came from money, was headed towards a promising career, someone handsome, basically someone who looked good on paper and on my arm. But I have realized now that none of that matters any more to me. My list has changed. My new list? I want someone I could sit in an emtpy room with and never run out of things to say. I want someone who supports me in everything I ever do, even if its stupid. I want someone who will go to church with me, pray with me, and keep me accoutnable to my beliefs. I want someone who loves family, theirs and mine. I want someone who loves me just as I am, even if no one else does. I want someone I can not only call my boyfriend, but my best friend.

Marriages fail every day, people go bank-rupt, people cheat. It is time to stop looking at how other people will see my significant other and look at the true connection between two people.