The Ugly Truth

So I went on a date the other night (that's a whole different story, which I will tell later.) But we went to go to see "The Ugly Truth", you know, the Katherine Heigl movie? Well, while the movie closely resembled "He's Just Not That Into You," it had a different, but important message. Katherine' character, which I can't remember her name, but it will come to me soon, was your basic control freak. But she did something that a lot of us women do, not just the control freaks out there. She had a list of criteria that a guy had to met in order to be good enough for her (hint: she had a hard time finding a boyfriend.) Her list was something like, "Likes red wine, has money, going to be a doctor/lawyer or something acceptable, tall, handsome, etc." She basically wanted the perfect guy. While I don't have time to explain the movie to you, go see it (its good,) Eventually she realizes that the problem with her love life isn't the guys, its her. She finally finds "Mr. Perfect," and she plays her cards right, and I mean follows every stinkin rule perfectly, and of course gets the guy. Eventually she realizes that even though she has the guy, she is no longer herself, she has become the perfect girlfriend.

So I realized, my problem with my love life isn't the male population, it's me. I have been entirely too picky, he's too short, his name is too common, his family doesn't have money, he's not this, he doesn't do that, etc. But at some point you have to realize there are way more important things in a relationship than liking the same wine. Sure, Mr. Perfect looks good on paper, but I realized that there is only one way to look at a potential partner, and it really is simple. Think about how things will be with this person when you are alone with him, no friends, no family, just the two of you. Can you have a decent conversation? Are you comfortable? Can you be yourself? If you answer yes to these, so far so good, if you answer no, then move on to the next candidate. Then ask yourself, if you were married to this person and you lost any money that you had, whether it be a billion dollars or just a few thousand dollars, what would be left in the relationship? Would you still be happy? Would you be able to go to sleep happy at night? The most important question you need to ask yourself is something that has unfortunately taken me too long to realize the importance of. What does this person believe in? What do they stand for? What do they value most in life? If your family is the most important thing to you, and they don't speak to their family, you might have problems. Will he go to church with you? Will he pray with you? If you can't agree on beliefs and values, then your relationship is doomed from the start.

My entire life I have dreamed of marrying your typical Southern gentlemen who came from money, was headed towards a promising career, someone handsome, basically someone who looked good on paper and on my arm. But I have realized now that none of that matters any more to me. My list has changed. My new list? I want someone I could sit in an emtpy room with and never run out of things to say. I want someone who supports me in everything I ever do, even if its stupid. I want someone who will go to church with me, pray with me, and keep me accoutnable to my beliefs. I want someone who loves family, theirs and mine. I want someone who loves me just as I am, even if no one else does. I want someone I can not only call my boyfriend, but my best friend.

Marriages fail every day, people go bank-rupt, people cheat. It is time to stop looking at how other people will see my significant other and look at the true connection between two people.