One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish..

He's just not that into you. The movie that broke the hearts of every girl in America. Any time a girl wonders what a guy is thinking, they immediately refer to the rules of this book/movie. The problem is, there are a million other books just like this one. There are even T.V. shows now! (I admit, I'm addicted to Tough Love.) These books/movies/shows showcase girls who are clueless at the game of love and they are all seeking one thing: advice. As a girl, I know that this is how it goes:

Girl sees boy. (Sees, not to be confused with meet.) Girl stalks the heck of out boy founding out everything they possibly can about boy. (What else is facebook good for?) Girl finds ways to "nonchalantly" bump into/see from a distance boy. Girl asks every person she knows what they think of the situation, what she should do, and if they think he is interested.

Problem? While girl is already planning marriage to said boy, he doesn't even know her name, let alone anything else about her. They haven't thought about what they will eat for breakfast by the time you are naming your three children.

Avery wise guy I know put it in a very simple formula:
(you may want to write this down)
Man's logic + women's emotions = HUGE misunderstanding

Girls get carried away, we do. I'll admit I am one of the worst. It's 0-60 in no time at all. The worst part of this is the advice part. Everything else may make you look like a fool, but the asking everyone's advice is the worst. Why? Well it is simple. Every single person has a different opinion. We all think differently and we all have different ways of seeing things. You could ask 50 people and they could all tell you something different. This does nothing but leave you more confused than you were before. I know that when I develop a crush, I have no idea what to do/say etc. I always go to people for advice, but it's not advice I'm looking for. I want someone to spell it out for me, step by step tell me what to do. This is where problems arise.

Girls start out a potential relationship by not being themselves. Everything they say or do, even wear has been methodically planned out and thought over. I have realized that this needs to stop, at least for me. I know that I have no "game" if you will, I do not know how to flirt and be witty and attract the male species. But that is who I am. So, with my new crush, I need to chill out, breathe, stop involving everyone I know and just be me. If a guy can't like me as I am, then the relationship isn't going to work anyway.

Put the plate under the bed and move on

For Christmas, it may be no surprise to y'all that I asked Santa to bring me a boyfriend. Unfortunately there was no prince charming under my tree yesterday. (Thanks, Santa..) You know you're single when you start asking Santa to set you up with someone. As we head into a new year, I'm obviously making my lists of resolutions, which ironically looks a lot like my list from last year. I'm not the best with following through with those things. Most of my plans are what you would expect, lose weight, work out more, eat healthy, etc. As I'm going over my list, I realized that one of the things carrying over from last year, makes me a tiny bit sad. Last year I wanted to fall in love in 2009, and we 2009 turns to 2010, I am still waiting to fall in love. Sadly enough, 2009 wasn't my year. I think back to the boys that came in my life in 2009 and I want to vomit. I failed miserably in that department.

I have been reminded numerous times that my writing makes me sound, "needy." And to that I say, this is my blog, my thoughts, my life, my words. Being single is a part of my life, so is wanting a boyfriend. I don't write about it to sound whiny, I write about it because it is my life.

I recently developed a new crush. I met a guy who, as far as I know, had every quality needed to be considered, well, perfect. To say I had a crush on this boy would be an understatement. I was head over heels for this guy. I did all your typical girl things. I found out everything I could about him, started letting my mind run wild about the relationship I just knew was going to be. I knew how to casually run into him, and I did. I left the hints where they could be left, now all I had to do was wait for him to make a move. Well, I am here to say, he didn't bite. Well, I mean, he hasn't yet, but let's get real, he would have made said move by now if he actually wanted to. So here I am, another crush, another let down. I can't help but wonder what I am doing wrong? Why didn't he want to ask me out as bad as I wanted him too? I think I'm a catch? Dating is frustrated. It's total game of strategy and I've got nothing. Zilch. Did I need to go around waving a flag that said ASK ME OUT!! ? I mean, the boy can't be dumb enough to not have realized I have a crush on him. So why did nothing happen? Why does nothing ever happen?
What is the secret other girls must know that I don't, how do they do it? How do you get a guy to make the move? Dating is rough, it's not as fun as I remember.

It's no secret I'm let down, sad that my crush does not crush me back. I realized that maybe, just maybe, I got too ahead of myself. I might have taken it a little too far too fast, maybe I jinxed myself? One thing I know about guys is that if they want to ask you out, they will. So, self, he hasn't made a move yet, therefore, he obviously doesn't want to. So we gotta move on. We have to suck it up, realize it's not meant to be and forget it. It's almost a new year, so here's to a fresh start.

The elephant in the room.

Holidays are a wonderful time. There's plenty of good food, quality time with family, time with family you didn't even know you had, and did I mention food? Well, unfortunately every family must deal with the inevitable what do to when a family member is no longer there. Of course everyone will notice the empty space, everyone knows someone is missing, but do you speak of it? Everyone grieves in different ways. Some people are private and others want to be open about it. There is no right or wrong, you just do what is best for you. But what about when other people are involved? Who is going to be the one to mention the unmentionable? As for me, I'd rather not talk about it. It is not that I have no respect and that I do not miss my grandfather, because I do. But I just don't think he would want us to sit around and weep over his empty seat. I think he would be mad that we were wasting time being sad when we could be eating. I realize that not everyone shares my opinion, so what to do you do when someone brings it up? Tears are bound to start flowing which can make others feel awkward. I know that tears are good, you need to let them out every now and then. I just can't help but think of Papa and even hear him say, "You quit that!" Christmas shouldn't be a sad time, it is the most wonderful time of the year! (Pun intended.) So while I know I must just sit back and let others grieve and say what they feel is right, I know that all I can do is be happy. I know I shouldn't smile while others are crying, but how can I not? Instead of celebrating with us, Papa is in heaven. I know Papa loved us more than anything, but he knew that his true home was in heaven. I know he would rather be here with us, but I think he wants us to know that we shouldn't cry over the fact that he is spending Christmas is heaven, that is something to be celebrated. But as humans, selfish is our nature and we will spend all our lives telling God how unfair it is that Papa is gone, but that's not what Papa would want us to do. Instead of wishing that Papa was here, sleeping while we all open presents, we should take comfort in the fact that he is sleeping in a much better place. Even though his chair is empty, his throne in heaven is full. If you ask me, Papa not being here is a true Christmas miracle, and a constant reminder that heaven does exist, and I must keep my head held high. I know that one day we will all have Thrift-mas in heaven (if they can handle us.) So, Papa we miss you, and I know there will be tears today, but I promise to smile for you, I might even laugh a little, because I know you are laughing at us all the way from you chair in heaven.

Farts and darts and really stinky parts, THAT'S what boys are made of.

So, by now you should all be aware that I have two (dos) brothers. If you are really smart you know it is the elder one I dislike. OK, so maybe I don't dislike him. Our problem is that we are too close in age, we tend to clash, a lot. It is safe to say I pretty much drive him insane, but what are little sister's for? One of the main things about me that drives him bonkers is my boy craziness. My "boy-crazy" ways are quite disgusting in his eyes, but what he doesn't realize that I am just a normal, that's right, normal girl. I just happen to be the only girl he sees planning her wedding, baby names and life with a boy she just met. Now, I have been single for quite sometime, I realize this, I do not, nor do I want, a reminder. My bro thinks I don't realize that I am quite a handful, and by quite I mean a large handful. He constantly reminds me that my flamboyant personality might scare boys away. So, I have decided to come up with my own sort of, warning label, if you will.

To all boys:

WARNING

If I have a crush on you, I will not act smoothly. I don't know how to act around you so I will become extremely nervous and start rambling about who knows what. I won't do anything cute, in fact, I will probably do something really stupid in a failed attempt at being cute. I wish I had 'game' but I don't. Save me from my embarrassment and ask for my number, even if you don't want to. I talk a lot, more than most people, in fact, more than most people who claim to talk a lot. In addition to talking in large amounts, I talk rather fast. I do not realize that I am doing this most of the time, so my feelings will not be hurt if you inform me that I am doing this. The word loud can pretty much be used to sum up my personality. Everything I do I do to the full extent and in the most ostentatious form. I get excited over absolutely anything and everything. It takes very little to amuse me and I find joy in things most people do not. I tend to cause scenes by getting too excited and I have been known to jump for joy, literally, in public on many occasions. I love animals, all animals, I don't discriminate. Since I love animals so much, do not be alarmed when I bolt towards any living creature within 100 feet of me and start talking to it like it is a small child. I believe animals need love, lots of it. I believe they like baby talk and can understand everything I am saying. Even though I love them and will beg you on a daily basis to buy me one, don't; I am not that responsible and make a terrible pet owner. I can't take care of another living creature and will have to give away the poor thing within months. Buy me a stuffed one. I love to shop. It is a sport to me and I take it seriously. Do not tell me I shop too much, don't tell me I spend too much money, I will not listen and I will not stop. This is a moot point. I like sports, you can watch football on TV, but be prepared because I will ask 500 questions because I know nothing about what is happening, but I want to learn. Do not ignore me, I will ask again. Do not get annoyed with me, I will cause a scene. I love to bake, a lot. I know you won't complain about me bringing you food, but keep your opinions to yourself. If you don't like it, shut it, or else I will never bake you anything again. I get my feelings hurt extremely easy, but I have a rebound rate of about 5 seconds. I will pout just for attention, so the quicker you give in, the quicker we can move on. I like to argue, I don't know why, but I do. So when I pick a fight, which I will do often, humor me, but don't you dare be mean, I will cry. I'm complicated, I know this, you don't need to remind me. I am a mess most of the time, but I can promise that there will never be a dull moment with me. I am full of love and want nothing more than to make you happy. Even though I am crazy, I will try to do sweet things. Most of the time I will fail, but it is the thought that counts. I crave attention, I thrive on it. If you don't give it to me, I will demand it and it won't be pretty. Even though I need attention, I do not need constant attention. Have boys night, let me have girls night, keep your friends and I'll keep mine. I make mistakes, I do stupid things, I say all the wrong things. I am not the prettiest, skinniest, tallest, whatever-est girl in the world, but I promise, if you can manage to handle me, you will love me.

I wear leggings as pants.

Fashion. Some people have it, some people don't. I never considered myself fashionable. I liked fashion, a lot, but as far as being fashionable, I definitely wasn't. It took me awhile to come into my own sense of fashion, I am proud to say I finally have. But that's not the story. The great thing about fashion is that there are no rules, fashion is limitless. I think Lady Gaga is one of the most fashionable women in the world, others call her crazy. I for one admire her self-confidence and her ability to take risks. One of my favorite items of clothing is leggings. I wear leggings literally every single day. Most people own leggings, but not everyone wears them the same way. There is an on-going debate about whether or not leggings can/should be worn as pants. Most people think the generally rule is that whatever you pair with your leggings should cover your backside. I, too, used to go by this rule, but not anymore. I wear leggings as pants, and I am proud of it. Sure, some people disagree with me, but that's life. I choose to wear my leggings however I want whether or not people agree with me. How to wear your leggings can be like life, what you may think is acceptable, others may not. People have disagreed on things as long as there has been a sun in the sky and will continue to do so until the good Lord calls us home. Just because I wear leggings as pants doesn't make me a bad person, it just means that I go farther out on the fashion limb than others. I don't judge people who don't wear leggings as pants, they are free to wear them however they would like. This is the way we should look at bigger disagreements in life. Just because two people don't do things the same way, or see things the same, doesn't matter. Some people are risk takers, some people like to color in side of the lines. Some people are Lady Gaga and others are Jennifer Garner. So whether you wear your leggings as pants, or under dresses or even under Nike running shorts (please don't,) we are still all people wearing leggings, just in different ways.

Bad things happen to good people.

Bad things happen every day. People hurt us, we hurt people. It is just the way life goes. People are not perfect and therefor we all make mistakes and hurt is inevitable. It is one thing when the hurt happens to you. I remember in high school, you hated people for your best friend. If someone did something bad to my bff, I hated her, even if I didn't, I did. That was just how bff relationships worked. So what happens when you grow up? I get let down pretty much every day, I vent, get angry and then move on. But something that I can't stand to see is someone get hurt that doesn't deserve it. We all know someone who is just a good person. That person that you have never, ever seen without a smile. Someone who can make anything positive. The person you want to hate just because they are so darn happy and it just isn't normal to be that happy. Well, I have a person in my life like that. She is one of my role models because of her attitude and her outlook on life. I am constantly stunned watching how she handles situations knowing that she is a much better person than I am. Recently, bad things have happened to her. Things she didn't deserve, things I wish I had an explanation for. It has been an interesting trip for me to watch. People like that aren't supposed to be hurt, you can't be mean to good people, you just can't. So what do you do? As bad as I want to scream and shout and tell the world how wrong this is, all I can do is watch in anger. It is difficult to watch your happy person be sad and hurt, but it reminds me that she too is a person just like me. Happy people break down too, they just make sure no one sees it. I have been humbled watching he grace and dignity she has upheld throughout this entire wrong situation. I want to shake these people who have done her wrong, but I know that is not the answer and not what she would want me to do. So I have to bite my tongue and believe in karma. I know that, in time, better things will happen for her and the people who have done wrong will be wronged too. But I know that the next time someone does wrong by me, instead of acting in my normal manner, (stomping, screaming, venting, being angry, etc.) I will think of my happy person and remember that if she can hold her head high through this, so can I.