One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish..

He's just not that into you. The movie that broke the hearts of every girl in America. Any time a girl wonders what a guy is thinking, they immediately refer to the rules of this book/movie. The problem is, there are a million other books just like this one. There are even T.V. shows now! (I admit, I'm addicted to Tough Love.) These books/movies/shows showcase girls who are clueless at the game of love and they are all seeking one thing: advice. As a girl, I know that this is how it goes:

Girl sees boy. (Sees, not to be confused with meet.) Girl stalks the heck of out boy founding out everything they possibly can about boy. (What else is facebook good for?) Girl finds ways to "nonchalantly" bump into/see from a distance boy. Girl asks every person she knows what they think of the situation, what she should do, and if they think he is interested.

Problem? While girl is already planning marriage to said boy, he doesn't even know her name, let alone anything else about her. They haven't thought about what they will eat for breakfast by the time you are naming your three children.

Avery wise guy I know put it in a very simple formula:
(you may want to write this down)
Man's logic + women's emotions = HUGE misunderstanding

Girls get carried away, we do. I'll admit I am one of the worst. It's 0-60 in no time at all. The worst part of this is the advice part. Everything else may make you look like a fool, but the asking everyone's advice is the worst. Why? Well it is simple. Every single person has a different opinion. We all think differently and we all have different ways of seeing things. You could ask 50 people and they could all tell you something different. This does nothing but leave you more confused than you were before. I know that when I develop a crush, I have no idea what to do/say etc. I always go to people for advice, but it's not advice I'm looking for. I want someone to spell it out for me, step by step tell me what to do. This is where problems arise.

Girls start out a potential relationship by not being themselves. Everything they say or do, even wear has been methodically planned out and thought over. I have realized that this needs to stop, at least for me. I know that I have no "game" if you will, I do not know how to flirt and be witty and attract the male species. But that is who I am. So, with my new crush, I need to chill out, breathe, stop involving everyone I know and just be me. If a guy can't like me as I am, then the relationship isn't going to work anyway.

Put the plate under the bed and move on

For Christmas, it may be no surprise to y'all that I asked Santa to bring me a boyfriend. Unfortunately there was no prince charming under my tree yesterday. (Thanks, Santa..) You know you're single when you start asking Santa to set you up with someone. As we head into a new year, I'm obviously making my lists of resolutions, which ironically looks a lot like my list from last year. I'm not the best with following through with those things. Most of my plans are what you would expect, lose weight, work out more, eat healthy, etc. As I'm going over my list, I realized that one of the things carrying over from last year, makes me a tiny bit sad. Last year I wanted to fall in love in 2009, and we 2009 turns to 2010, I am still waiting to fall in love. Sadly enough, 2009 wasn't my year. I think back to the boys that came in my life in 2009 and I want to vomit. I failed miserably in that department.

I have been reminded numerous times that my writing makes me sound, "needy." And to that I say, this is my blog, my thoughts, my life, my words. Being single is a part of my life, so is wanting a boyfriend. I don't write about it to sound whiny, I write about it because it is my life.

I recently developed a new crush. I met a guy who, as far as I know, had every quality needed to be considered, well, perfect. To say I had a crush on this boy would be an understatement. I was head over heels for this guy. I did all your typical girl things. I found out everything I could about him, started letting my mind run wild about the relationship I just knew was going to be. I knew how to casually run into him, and I did. I left the hints where they could be left, now all I had to do was wait for him to make a move. Well, I am here to say, he didn't bite. Well, I mean, he hasn't yet, but let's get real, he would have made said move by now if he actually wanted to. So here I am, another crush, another let down. I can't help but wonder what I am doing wrong? Why didn't he want to ask me out as bad as I wanted him too? I think I'm a catch? Dating is frustrated. It's total game of strategy and I've got nothing. Zilch. Did I need to go around waving a flag that said ASK ME OUT!! ? I mean, the boy can't be dumb enough to not have realized I have a crush on him. So why did nothing happen? Why does nothing ever happen?
What is the secret other girls must know that I don't, how do they do it? How do you get a guy to make the move? Dating is rough, it's not as fun as I remember.

It's no secret I'm let down, sad that my crush does not crush me back. I realized that maybe, just maybe, I got too ahead of myself. I might have taken it a little too far too fast, maybe I jinxed myself? One thing I know about guys is that if they want to ask you out, they will. So, self, he hasn't made a move yet, therefore, he obviously doesn't want to. So we gotta move on. We have to suck it up, realize it's not meant to be and forget it. It's almost a new year, so here's to a fresh start.

The elephant in the room.

Holidays are a wonderful time. There's plenty of good food, quality time with family, time with family you didn't even know you had, and did I mention food? Well, unfortunately every family must deal with the inevitable what do to when a family member is no longer there. Of course everyone will notice the empty space, everyone knows someone is missing, but do you speak of it? Everyone grieves in different ways. Some people are private and others want to be open about it. There is no right or wrong, you just do what is best for you. But what about when other people are involved? Who is going to be the one to mention the unmentionable? As for me, I'd rather not talk about it. It is not that I have no respect and that I do not miss my grandfather, because I do. But I just don't think he would want us to sit around and weep over his empty seat. I think he would be mad that we were wasting time being sad when we could be eating. I realize that not everyone shares my opinion, so what to do you do when someone brings it up? Tears are bound to start flowing which can make others feel awkward. I know that tears are good, you need to let them out every now and then. I just can't help but think of Papa and even hear him say, "You quit that!" Christmas shouldn't be a sad time, it is the most wonderful time of the year! (Pun intended.) So while I know I must just sit back and let others grieve and say what they feel is right, I know that all I can do is be happy. I know I shouldn't smile while others are crying, but how can I not? Instead of celebrating with us, Papa is in heaven. I know Papa loved us more than anything, but he knew that his true home was in heaven. I know he would rather be here with us, but I think he wants us to know that we shouldn't cry over the fact that he is spending Christmas is heaven, that is something to be celebrated. But as humans, selfish is our nature and we will spend all our lives telling God how unfair it is that Papa is gone, but that's not what Papa would want us to do. Instead of wishing that Papa was here, sleeping while we all open presents, we should take comfort in the fact that he is sleeping in a much better place. Even though his chair is empty, his throne in heaven is full. If you ask me, Papa not being here is a true Christmas miracle, and a constant reminder that heaven does exist, and I must keep my head held high. I know that one day we will all have Thrift-mas in heaven (if they can handle us.) So, Papa we miss you, and I know there will be tears today, but I promise to smile for you, I might even laugh a little, because I know you are laughing at us all the way from you chair in heaven.

Farts and darts and really stinky parts, THAT'S what boys are made of.

So, by now you should all be aware that I have two (dos) brothers. If you are really smart you know it is the elder one I dislike. OK, so maybe I don't dislike him. Our problem is that we are too close in age, we tend to clash, a lot. It is safe to say I pretty much drive him insane, but what are little sister's for? One of the main things about me that drives him bonkers is my boy craziness. My "boy-crazy" ways are quite disgusting in his eyes, but what he doesn't realize that I am just a normal, that's right, normal girl. I just happen to be the only girl he sees planning her wedding, baby names and life with a boy she just met. Now, I have been single for quite sometime, I realize this, I do not, nor do I want, a reminder. My bro thinks I don't realize that I am quite a handful, and by quite I mean a large handful. He constantly reminds me that my flamboyant personality might scare boys away. So, I have decided to come up with my own sort of, warning label, if you will.

To all boys:

WARNING

If I have a crush on you, I will not act smoothly. I don't know how to act around you so I will become extremely nervous and start rambling about who knows what. I won't do anything cute, in fact, I will probably do something really stupid in a failed attempt at being cute. I wish I had 'game' but I don't. Save me from my embarrassment and ask for my number, even if you don't want to. I talk a lot, more than most people, in fact, more than most people who claim to talk a lot. In addition to talking in large amounts, I talk rather fast. I do not realize that I am doing this most of the time, so my feelings will not be hurt if you inform me that I am doing this. The word loud can pretty much be used to sum up my personality. Everything I do I do to the full extent and in the most ostentatious form. I get excited over absolutely anything and everything. It takes very little to amuse me and I find joy in things most people do not. I tend to cause scenes by getting too excited and I have been known to jump for joy, literally, in public on many occasions. I love animals, all animals, I don't discriminate. Since I love animals so much, do not be alarmed when I bolt towards any living creature within 100 feet of me and start talking to it like it is a small child. I believe animals need love, lots of it. I believe they like baby talk and can understand everything I am saying. Even though I love them and will beg you on a daily basis to buy me one, don't; I am not that responsible and make a terrible pet owner. I can't take care of another living creature and will have to give away the poor thing within months. Buy me a stuffed one. I love to shop. It is a sport to me and I take it seriously. Do not tell me I shop too much, don't tell me I spend too much money, I will not listen and I will not stop. This is a moot point. I like sports, you can watch football on TV, but be prepared because I will ask 500 questions because I know nothing about what is happening, but I want to learn. Do not ignore me, I will ask again. Do not get annoyed with me, I will cause a scene. I love to bake, a lot. I know you won't complain about me bringing you food, but keep your opinions to yourself. If you don't like it, shut it, or else I will never bake you anything again. I get my feelings hurt extremely easy, but I have a rebound rate of about 5 seconds. I will pout just for attention, so the quicker you give in, the quicker we can move on. I like to argue, I don't know why, but I do. So when I pick a fight, which I will do often, humor me, but don't you dare be mean, I will cry. I'm complicated, I know this, you don't need to remind me. I am a mess most of the time, but I can promise that there will never be a dull moment with me. I am full of love and want nothing more than to make you happy. Even though I am crazy, I will try to do sweet things. Most of the time I will fail, but it is the thought that counts. I crave attention, I thrive on it. If you don't give it to me, I will demand it and it won't be pretty. Even though I need attention, I do not need constant attention. Have boys night, let me have girls night, keep your friends and I'll keep mine. I make mistakes, I do stupid things, I say all the wrong things. I am not the prettiest, skinniest, tallest, whatever-est girl in the world, but I promise, if you can manage to handle me, you will love me.

I wear leggings as pants.

Fashion. Some people have it, some people don't. I never considered myself fashionable. I liked fashion, a lot, but as far as being fashionable, I definitely wasn't. It took me awhile to come into my own sense of fashion, I am proud to say I finally have. But that's not the story. The great thing about fashion is that there are no rules, fashion is limitless. I think Lady Gaga is one of the most fashionable women in the world, others call her crazy. I for one admire her self-confidence and her ability to take risks. One of my favorite items of clothing is leggings. I wear leggings literally every single day. Most people own leggings, but not everyone wears them the same way. There is an on-going debate about whether or not leggings can/should be worn as pants. Most people think the generally rule is that whatever you pair with your leggings should cover your backside. I, too, used to go by this rule, but not anymore. I wear leggings as pants, and I am proud of it. Sure, some people disagree with me, but that's life. I choose to wear my leggings however I want whether or not people agree with me. How to wear your leggings can be like life, what you may think is acceptable, others may not. People have disagreed on things as long as there has been a sun in the sky and will continue to do so until the good Lord calls us home. Just because I wear leggings as pants doesn't make me a bad person, it just means that I go farther out on the fashion limb than others. I don't judge people who don't wear leggings as pants, they are free to wear them however they would like. This is the way we should look at bigger disagreements in life. Just because two people don't do things the same way, or see things the same, doesn't matter. Some people are risk takers, some people like to color in side of the lines. Some people are Lady Gaga and others are Jennifer Garner. So whether you wear your leggings as pants, or under dresses or even under Nike running shorts (please don't,) we are still all people wearing leggings, just in different ways.

Bad things happen to good people.

Bad things happen every day. People hurt us, we hurt people. It is just the way life goes. People are not perfect and therefor we all make mistakes and hurt is inevitable. It is one thing when the hurt happens to you. I remember in high school, you hated people for your best friend. If someone did something bad to my bff, I hated her, even if I didn't, I did. That was just how bff relationships worked. So what happens when you grow up? I get let down pretty much every day, I vent, get angry and then move on. But something that I can't stand to see is someone get hurt that doesn't deserve it. We all know someone who is just a good person. That person that you have never, ever seen without a smile. Someone who can make anything positive. The person you want to hate just because they are so darn happy and it just isn't normal to be that happy. Well, I have a person in my life like that. She is one of my role models because of her attitude and her outlook on life. I am constantly stunned watching how she handles situations knowing that she is a much better person than I am. Recently, bad things have happened to her. Things she didn't deserve, things I wish I had an explanation for. It has been an interesting trip for me to watch. People like that aren't supposed to be hurt, you can't be mean to good people, you just can't. So what do you do? As bad as I want to scream and shout and tell the world how wrong this is, all I can do is watch in anger. It is difficult to watch your happy person be sad and hurt, but it reminds me that she too is a person just like me. Happy people break down too, they just make sure no one sees it. I have been humbled watching he grace and dignity she has upheld throughout this entire wrong situation. I want to shake these people who have done her wrong, but I know that is not the answer and not what she would want me to do. So I have to bite my tongue and believe in karma. I know that, in time, better things will happen for her and the people who have done wrong will be wronged too. But I know that the next time someone does wrong by me, instead of acting in my normal manner, (stomping, screaming, venting, being angry, etc.) I will think of my happy person and remember that if she can hold her head high through this, so can I.

Thanks, come again

I know you have probably heard the quote,“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.” We all know this is true. Have you ever gone to your grandparents 50th wedding anniversary and actually thought about it. That is 50 years, count them, 50, with the same person. There are some people I can't be with for more than 5 minutes, so imagine spending 50 years of your life with one person. Think of lessons you have learned in your life, mistakes you have made, who was there? I am a firm believer that there are different types of friends. Some you need for a short period of time, some you need for certain things, but the rarest type of all is forever friends. How many of us can really say that we have a friend who was there in middle school and will also be standing with us at our wedding? I think people take friends for granted. I get my feelings hurt easier than most people, and I know that when a friend doesn't answer my calls/texts it hurts my feelings. I am the friend that will drop everything to answer your call, come pick you up, listen to you vent, whatever. Even though this is my personality, I have to understand that not everyone is like me. (Oh what a world that would be.) My mom always told me in order to have a friend I should be a friend. Well, Confucius say if I call you, you pick up. The way to keep a friend forever is to crate a bond, a bond so unbreakable that no distance, time or problem can separate. A friendship is no different than a romantic relationship, it takes work, time and effort. We are all guilty of mistakes I realize that, but a simple phone call, or a simple text, Heck, it's 2009, write on their face book! This is what makes a friendship last. So while we all dream of having a 50th wedding anniversary with our hubby, I want a 50th friendship anniversary. How special would life be if you had a forever friend you could look back with? I would rather have a 50th friendship anniversary than a wedding anniversary. (or both, that would be OK.)

I'm a big kid now

Today was initiation day for our little pledges who are as of now official sisters! As I was watching the first group go, I couldn't help but remember my initiation two whole years ago. It seems like just yesterday I was celebrating the start of my sorority life and I know have only one year left. We all say all the time how we are growing up, yada yada yada. I don't think you really understand growing up until you watch it happen to someone else. It's like parents, you know how sometimes your parents say weird things and become sentimental in the way you pour milk into your cereal. We don't understand why they do those things now, but one day we will. No, I do not I repeat do NOT have a child, but I do have a baby brother. I know he thinks I am crazy sometimes but it is really hard to see him growing up. He is a senior in high school and about to go off to college and even though I remember how cool I was at that age, in my eyes he will forever be 12 years old. I look at him and it makes me want to cry seeing the man he is turning into. I wish he could always stay the little boy who couldn't pronounce my name right forever, but I know that he can't. I can't watch myself grow up, but I know that I am growing up by watching it happen to him. Watching his life play out and all the opportunities he has going on bring tears to my eyes. Even though I know he is going places, I just wish he could stay my baby brother forever. I can't imagine how my mom must feel watching all 3 of her babies growing up. My older brother will always be old to me, he will always be a few steps ahead of me, but my baby bro will always be my baby bro. Growing isn't something you can watch happen to yourself, you can only see it in other people. I feel so lucky to have a baby brother that I can watch grow up before my eyes, but it is very bittersweet. I don't know how I am going to handle myself when he goes to college next year, babies can't go to college! I know that I will just have to deal with it, and share my sorrows with my mother who feels the same way I do, except more. I know he can't understand when I get so sentimental sometimes, but it is because he doesn't have anyone younger than him. I am OK with him thinking I am crazy, because I am. I am crazy over the fact that life is going too fast, and crazy of the fact that my baby brother isn't really a baby anymore. The thoughts of him going away to college and become a little man is extremely crazy. But having a little brother shows me the true meaning of growing up, but no matter what he will always be my baby brother whether he likes it or not.

And the winner is..

We all remember high school days, especially our senior year. One thing you had to look forward to was senior superlatives. Who was going to be most popular? best dressed? most likely to succeed? If you went to a high school like mine, you went to school with the same people from kindergarten on, so by the time senior year rolled around, you pretty much knew who was going to get what. I was a superlative. I wasn't most popular, best dressed or most likely to succeed, I was most talkative. Now, most people might think this isn't something to be proud of, but I do. Even today I still get told time and time again that I talk a lot. My older brother constantly reminds me that I am "overwhelming." So what if I talk a lot? I think you can tell a lot by a person's senior superlative. The girl who was most popular always had a boyfriend and he was always an athlete. She was a cheerleader, in the chorus, and a dancer. She was always every where and always smiling. The girl who was best dressed always put an effort into her wardrobe and cared if people complimented her on what she wore. The girl who was most likely to succeed always studied, always. She always made A's and when she didn't, she cried. She was involved in SGA and various other clubs and we all knew she would go to a smart people college. So what does being most talkative say about me? I think it says I have a personality. I am never afraid to tell you what I am thinking, even when I shouldn't. I think it is my best, and worst, attribute. Sure, sometimes I say things I shouldn't, sometimes I say things and they come out wrong and sometimes I just say too much period. Being bubbly and constantly excited is something I love about me. How many people can hold a conversation with anyone, and I mean anyone? How many people do you know that always have something to talk about? I never have to deal with awkward silence. Everyone has a different personality, some personalities go together and some don't get along at all, and that's OK, it is what makes us who we are. I don't apologize for talking so much, it is who I am. If you think I talk too much then you don't have to listen. That's probably the reason I have a blog, it allows me to say what I want. I never wanted to be most popular, best dressed or most likely to succeed. I wanted to be most talkative. I know that people realize I have a personality, that I am bubbly and friendly all the time. I think being named most talkative is the best compliment I have ever received.

Think before you buy

So we all know I have a strange affinity for advice books, particularly love advice book. I have probably read every dating advice book known to man. As I was listen to Cosmo radio the other day, which I do every day, (If you have satellite radio, listen, its addicting.) They were talking to a girl who is a dating coach and just wrote the book, "You Lost Him at Hello: A Saleswoman's Secrets to Closing the Deal with Any Guy You Want." Obviously I was intrigued. This woman sounded so smart, and everything she saying I was eating it all up. I wanted to take notes but I was driving and that is definitely not a good combo. So needless to say I could not wait to get home and log on and buy this book! I just knew it would be exactly what I needed to get a man. As I was logging on to Amazon, my book collection caught my eye. I noticed that I had a lot of books, and they were all strangely related. I saw, "He's Just Not that Into You," "Face it, You're Not that into Him Either," "Don't Get Lucky, Get Smart," "How to Find the Man of Your Dreams," "Finding Mr. Right," and "Why Men Love Bitches." I have entirely too many dating books and here I am about to buy another one! I have read all of the previously named books cover to cover, some of them even multiple times. Why waste money on a new one when all of these books have obviously not worked. Check my Facebook status, it still says "single." What would be so different about this book that it would actually work for me? I really started to wonder if I could get my money back from my collection of dating books. Don't the authors promise you'll fall in love? There should definitely be a money back guarantee on dating books. Well, I then realized that the common factor in this situation is me. Different book, same reader. Needless to say I x'ed out of Amazon before I got sick to my stomach realizing that I was about to purchase yet another dating book. I really am OK with my single status, so why do I continue to buy these books? It is because the authors do such an amazing job promising love to whoever readers their book. They come on Cosmo radio and talk about their successful love lives and single gals like me become green with envy. I listen to them talk and they sound smart and witty. They tell the amazing store of how they met their soulmate and I can't help but want that. So of course I am going to go buy their book. Logic says if I buy book then I fall in love. Obviously not. Someone needs to write a book on how fabulous single life is. These books make falling in love a game that sounds way to easy, I am living proof that it is not. So please stop writing books on how you made your love life successful and make me feel even more lame for being single. If you talk about it, I will buy your book. I will read your book cover to cover, get my hopes up, and then the book will be added the the collection on my desk and I will be waiting for the next dating book to come around. What a slippery slope of doom.

Only YOU can prevent sadness

So we all know that girls hold the crown for being emotional basket cases. Lets face it, guys don't drown their sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream when things go wrong. Well, being the only girl in the middle of two boys has been quite an adventure. I am able to see first hand how truly stupid the male species can be. I also have an advantage, I get to observe these creatures in their natural habitat, I am able to see things that all girls should see, but most never will. I could honestly write an entire book on all things I have learned by having brothers. One thing that happens on a regular basis is, frustration. My brothers, mostly my older one, has the ability to frustrate me to no end. He knows just the right buttons to push to make my blood boil. Well, recently we had one of the biggest arguments of all time, and for being 20 years old, that's big. I was so mad, angry, upset, frustrated, irritated, etc, that I could no long focus on anything except my anger. The next day, I did what all females do, went to friends to vent. I just wanted someone to hear just how mad I was and be mad with me. Leave it to my twin to be my voice of reason. She made me realize that, bro and i were not going to agree on this, ever. He was going to continue to think he was right and so am I. (By the way, if you knew the situation, you would totally be on my side too!) I realized that the problem was that I was the only one who cared. He didn't care that I was angry, only I did. I realized that I was the only one fueling my burning fire. I finally realized that even though I didn't want to and I didn't think it was right, I had to let go. I had to pull myself out of the situation. I had to let him win and continue to believe he was right. Our fight would only continue because I was just punching at a brick wall, it would never move. Even though it stinks, I realized I could choose to no longer be angry. We control our emotions, we always want to put the blame on other people who have done us wrong but the truth is, at the end of the day, it is up to us to continue to allow ourselves to have negative feelings. The best thing to do, for your sanity, is realize it is not worth fighting and release your emotions. Life is too short to be anything but happy and positive. So I choose to be happy and positive,

HI, I'm a Mac

So i got a snazzy new laptop, I caved into the world of Mac. Cute little white MacBook. I can't help but admit that I feel slightly closer to being Carrie Bradshaw now (she had a Mac.) I'm now thinking about rearranging my room so that my desk is at my window, just like her. I feel like it will help my writing improve?

It is no surprise to anyone that we are in a recession. If you weren't aware of this then you obviously live under a rock and probably don't have Internet and probably aren't reading this. I feel lucky to be in college during this economic crisis because being at school is like being in a bubble. You aren't in the real world so it isn't directly affecting you, and you aren't around your parents to listen to how bad things are, etc. One thing we all have in common right now is the recession. No matter how stable you are, it is affecting you somehow. Innocent people are losing their jobs, losing their money, losing everything. I heard someone say that we did this too ourselves. That our country has become so money hungry that we brought this on ourselves. It is a pet peeve of me when I hear people say that money is the right of all evil. Wrong. People are the root of all evil. Money isn't the problem, it's who has the money that is the problem. My entire life I have been called a spoiled brat, and this makes my skin crawl. Spoiled I may be but brat I most certainly am not. I have seen really dirty people who have lots of money. I have also seen really good people with lots of money. There is a huge difference. The key to money is work, hard work. Money just happens to be the reward for hard work, but the problem comes when people take their focus from the work and get caught up in the money. It seems like common sense that if you build up a business and start making money, but then start taking vacations every month and never working anymore, your business is going to fail and your money is going to disappear. Money doesn't last forever. My Papa worked harder than anyone I have ever known and earned great rewards from it. But none of that mattered to him. He never sold his simple country home for a mansion, he never bought a fancy sports car, and he never ran off with a 20 year old blonde. This is how I was raised. You work hard and even though you earn great rewards, you never stop working. My dad is the perfect example of a good person with money. He is probably reading this and going to e-mail me and tell me that he doesn't have money because he always says that. But that's just another example of how much he doesn't care about material things. My dad getting up at the crack of dawn to work all day long is all I have ever known. Crazy it may be, but I have also seen and benefited from the rewards from his hard work. He works hard and earns great rewards, but he never stops working. God gave him a daughter to enjoy the material things in life for him. What people see is the rewards, but no one sees the work it took to get those things. Sure, I drive a nice car, all most people see when they look at my car is spoiled brat. No one ever stops to ask me the story behind it. You see, every time I sit in my car, I see cows, I see Thrift's ferry, I see tractors, I see Ace Hardware, I see my dad's office, I hear my papa's stories of working with his bare hands, I see my brothers getting up at 5am, I see me in a red vest, I see me folding statements, I see the hard work that happened so that I could drive a nice car. I can't help but smile knowing that I am so fortunate to be able to see first hand the true meaning of hard work. So this is why I get so angry when people say money is the root of all evil. The evil comes from how people handle money. If you stop working, you will stop making money. If you let money consume you, it will become evil. But if you understand the work that monetary benefits require, then you can be smart enough to not let money consume you. Money is not the root of all evil, people with money are the root of all evil.

Settling down..

One of the very few perks of being single is hearing my friends tell stories of their current boy situation and what stupid things he is doing to them. When I hear my friends being treated not so well, I am reminded that being single is OK. I would much rather be single that have a guy who wasn't right. So I was having a chat with one of my gal pals who wanted advice. Isn't it strange that all my friends come to me for guy advice but yet I'm single? Maybe that's why I'm single, because I know guys too well? She was telling me about this new guy and how she was dropping hints left and right and all but screaming I LOVE YOU in his face. She asked me what I thought was the problem. I hear stories like this all the time. As females, we over analyze every little tiny detail of what guys do. She was wondering what I thought of his face book message, of his text, of the way he hugged her. This is the problem: Guys go home and watch TV and the last thing they do is wonder what you are thinking about them. Girls go home and tell their friends every tiny tiny detail of the night and try to decode it and vote on it with friends. See the difference? Another thing that makes my skin crawl is when girls make excuses for a guy. I will never in my life understand why we do this, and yes I'll admit I have done this before, too. If you start telling me something stupid a guy has done, do not let your sentence end with "but he..." NO! But nothing. Girls think that every guy who comes into their life is their last chance at not being single, so we make excuses and let things slide and we settle. Why? There are plenty of men in the world, plenty. If this guy is not prince charming, thanks but no thanks and move along. Why are girls so afraid of being single? If you are making excuses for a guy, dump him. No buts, dump him. Now. When my friends come to me for advice and they start telling me all the reasons why he isn't a good guy and then say something like, "But he's loaded." or "But he's hot." Do you hear yourself? Honestly, when did the world get so messed up that girls no longer think they deserve the absolute best? We all now that I am about as single as single comes, but you know what. I'm also not making excuses for some loser and I am also not spending my free time decoding every move a guy makes. Who has the better end of the deal? Sure, I may not have someone to buy my dinner every now and then, but if you ask me, I still have the better end of the bargain.

Past, Present and Future

I don't know about you, but I live for Monday's so that I can watch Gossip Girl. To say I am addicted would be an understatement. I am honestly convinced it is real life, I just wish it was my life. But, for those of you who watch, you know Serena. Oh Serena. So much money and such a crazy messed up world. I feel like in every episode Serena is trying to "find herself." She spends summers traveling Europe "looking for who she is." She doesn't go to college because she "doesn't know who she is yet." You get the point. While I don't think not going to college and traveling the world is the solution, I think we are all looking for who we are. That's what growing up is, becoming who you are destined to be. That's the stage of my life I am in right now, growing into who I am as a person. It's fun, but it's also scary and weird all at the same time. I search for answers everywhere and I am constantly waiting on the next best thing to happen in my life. In high school, I couldn't wait for college. Now that I am in college, I can't wait to graduate. I am always looking forward to the next step. But while my eyes are focused on the future, I am completely forgetting to live in the present. We shouldn't worry about what hasn't happened yet, the important thing is what is happening here and now. You have to live for the moment before its gone. If you spend all your time looking for yourself instead of just letting things happen, you will miss out on life.

How many times have you heard someone say, or have you said, "The past is the past." Well, yes. But, you need to remember that your past has made you who you are. Instead of looking to your future for who you are, look to your past. I realized this weekend that I was running from my past and only concerned with things that haven't ever happened yet. I got to catch up with my best friend from home this weekend. We hadn't seen each other in so, so long. While we were catching up, I started to wonder why we ever lost touch. And then I realized is that all my focus is on the future and leaving my past in the dust. But what good does that do? Why lose touch with a great friend just because our lives went in different directions? Someone who knows your past is the best person to carry with you into your future. Sure, you make new friends and go different places, but that doesn't mean that your old can't come to your new.

So I realized that if I wanted to know who I am, the answer is in the past and not in the future. Tomorrow isn't promised, future isn't promised. So live for the now, live for today but don't forget where you have been because that is what makes you who you are.

My happiness vs. your happiness

I get a lot of crap for not being your average college girl. What do I mean? Well, I don't enjoy going out and partying as much as my peers. This doesn't mean I don't go out, it just means that if I end up sitting at home on a Friday night watching lifetime in sweat pants, that is fine by me. I have friends who love to go out, who can't imagine their life without the bars and parties and blacking out at least 3 times a week. Now, I won't lie, in my earlier years (the first 2 years of college) I was a party all nighter from South Carolina. (I couldn't resist the song reference.) I just feel like there is, or at least there should be, an expiration date on your party life. It's all fun and games for a while, but you reach a point when you need to settle down and prioritize and focus on what really matters. If you get a chance to go out every not and then, awesome, if not, no big deal. I have a friend, who was right there with me for all of my fun, but while I have slowed down, she is still on going. I am honestly amazed, and actually a little jealous. She has amazing grades, stays involved, but still finds times to go party. My one issue with going out is, people see you and people talk. I had someone say to me, "I say your friend (name) at the game last week, she was so drunk she fell every time she tried to walk." I was embarrassed for her. Maybe it's just me, but I don't want people to be able to say that about me. So I realize that I am in the minority for my age, and I am ok with that. I think my lameness bothers people around me more than it bothers me. I always hear disappointment in my mother's voice when I inform her I did nothing last night and will be doing nothing tonight as well. Sometimes I wish I had a really exciting life and went out all the time and had lots of great stories to tell.

Everyone has their own happiness, each individual finds satisfaction in different things. For some people, happiness comes in the form of alcohol, bars, parties, staying out til 3 and going to class with a hang over so bad you might even still be drunk. That's not my happiness. My happiness is sitting on the couch in sweats watching lifetime, reading gossip magazines, going to bed early, and waking up in time to be awake and prepared for the day. My zumba instructor always gives us a little pep talk at the end of class. Last Thursday, her story was that only you control how you feel, you can't control how other people feel and other people can't control how you feel. If someone is unhappy, it's not your fault. If you are unhappy, it's no one's fault but yours. Your happiness is your choice. Don't worry about what you feel like you should be doing, or what everyone else is doing, do what makes you happy.

The "Oh" face

Get your minds out of the gutter, I said "oh" not "O." Geesh..

Sex and the City is probably one of the greatest TV shows of all time, but that's not the moral of my story. Who doesn't remember that episode, right after Carrie and Aidan had broken up due to Carrie's sleeping with Big (it was totally fate just doing its thing.) You remember this episode (unless you don't watch SATC because you live under a rock) Carrie unfortunately ran into Aidan's new gal pal, Nina Katz. I put it in italics because you have to say her name in the voice that says, "devil woman." Moving on, I don't really remember what was said, but basically Carrie tells Nina who she is and Nina gives Carrie, dun da dun, "the face." Oh you remember, and you are probably making that face right now, I am. Oh no she didn't! Oh, yes she did! Of course, Carrie and the gals analyzed "the face" and we all watched as Carrie eventually confronted Nina about, "the face."

But let's be honest, we have all received the face, or given the face ourselves. In the past week I have been the giver and the receiver of the "Oh" face. What is that oh face you ask? Well, for instance, I was at one of my friends apartments, and I use the word friend loosely, and asked her who she was going to the game with. She told me she was going with boy. My response? A very awkward, "Oh." Why? This boy is the same boy who just dumped her for the 3rd time a week ago. So obviously, it caught me off guard and I didn't know how to respond, so all that came out was a very awkward oh face. Now you are catching on.

Giving the Oh face is awkward, you immediately start with "What I meant is, that's great news!" (lie) But honestly, you can't save an oh face, my advice? Let it go, say your oh and walk it off.

Giving is awkward, but nothing pisses me off more than receiving. For instance, I had an interview for a position in my sorority which I was very nervous about. The position comes with a lot of pressure and I am already stressing over if I can handle it. But that's another story. As I was waiting to go in, I was talking to a fellow sister who asked what I was interviewing for, when I told her she got a confused look on her face and said, "Oh." My blood boiled in like, 2 seconds. I was already nervous and on edge so I snapped back (so unlike me) and said, "um, yeah." (I also gave a mean look, again, unlike me.) She immediately started stuttering and trying to fix herself while I am thinking to myself, thanks a lot b*tch! So as I walked away, I had two emotions hit me. My first reaction was, how dare she?! I wanted to call all my friends and tell them what had just happened and then we could all join together and say, "Oh no she didn't!" But then, I had a thought. That is exactly the reason I want to do this. I was interviewing for this position because I wanted it and I knew I could do it. I'll admit, I am a bit of an under dog, I know people don't really know what I am capable of. I know that people hear that I'm going after this position and give the oh face. But that's OK with me. I want the oh face. My ultimate goal is to prove to people that I can and I will rise to occasion and do my very best. I want Oh faces because I intend to give people the good kind of oh face at the end of all this. (Outta the gutter, still not that O, wrong blog for that kinda talk.) I want people to see what I can do and say "Oh...wow." I nailed my interview and I honestly think that this girl's oh face was the reason why. I was so nervous and was doubting myself and honestly about to talk myself out of it, and this girl reminded me of exactly why I wanted this in the first place. So bring on your "oh" face, because I'm bringing my A-game.

Hurt so good..

As a child, you learn the difference between a need and a want. All children swear to their moms that they need this toy or they need that candy, but in reality, they only want it. This is where mom's come in and teach you the difference. Even though, it is still easy to get them confused as you grow up. "Mom, I totally need these shoes." Yeah, how many times have we done that? Too many, that's for sure. You would think by the time we become grown ups we would know the simple difference between a need and a want. I need to go to class, but I don't want to. I want to buy these shoes, but I don't need to. Simple enough right? Leave it to men to ruin something so simple for us. You know that bad boy that you totally want, but you definitely don't need? You know better, you are fully aware that he is the last thing you need. So logic says, you should not call him, text him or see him. Simple enough. But yet what do you do? Run straight to him. How about that one who got away but won't stay away? That ex of ours that we really needed to get rid of, and finally did, even though we didn't want to. But them when he tried to get back into your life, you know that you need to let him back in like you need a hole in your heard. Since we know the difference between need and want, why do we always make wrong choice? Often times doing what we want doesn't end up giving us what we need and we are left hurt. So we do we inflict this pain on our self? It seems like a simple enough choice, do only what you need to do. But yet, our want always outweighs our need. Maybe because our heart always outweighs our head and most of the time, our want is tied to our heart and our need is tied to our heart. In a case of head vs. heart, heart always wins, even when our head is right.

The one who got away but won't stay away..

We all have the one ex in our past. The one who at one point in our lives we thought was the one, you know who I'm talking about because I am pretty sure right now his picture is flashing on your brain, don't worry, it's happening to me too. That one guy you were in love with, your true love, and for whatever reason, however long ago, it ended. I am going to go out on a limb here and assume he broke up with you, face it ladies, that's usually how it goes. So there was a point where you were at your lowest, you didn't get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and get another pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream. You cried until you literally couldn't cry anymore. You thought your life was over (obviously, it wasn't.) Eventually, you got out of bed, put down the ice cream and moved on with your life. You are in a good place now. Sure, every now and then your mind will play a memory, and you will smile, maybe even feel a sharp pain in your gut, but then you shake it off and go back to your life. But, it never fails that these boys have like a special radar. A radar that tells them, "Well, her life seems to be going pretty well, so I think I should give her a call and mess things up." So they call. You see their name on your caller I.D. and it's like a natural disaster is happening. You freak, probably gasp out loud, grab the nearest person and go through 100 different questions in your mind and even though you know you should hit ignore, you answer. And then it happens, he speaks. Suddenly the floodgates of hell have opened and your feet float off the floor and your mind goes to mush and a thousand different pictures flash in your mind. Your first kiss, your first date, your first "I love you," all those sweet little memories, (funny, none of the bad things like the BREAK UP seem to come to mind.) You honestly don't even hear what he's saying because you are too busy shouting in your mind, "HE LOVES ME! He's coming back for me!" Wrong. He simply just wants to say hey and see what you are doing. So you have a little convo, catch-up, and then the conversation is over. He hangs up the phone and goes back to his guy life (whatever that means.) But your story is much different. The minute you hang up, you activate your friend phone tree and call everyone you know to see what they think. Your mind, and heart, is racing while you dissect every single word he said. (He totally wants you back.) Nevermind the fact that he only called to say hello (he was probably bored.) You are already planning your wedding. So finally, after you don't hear from him again, you realize that he doesn't want you back and he really did just call to say hello. Ouch. Why do they do this to us? Do they realize what kind of super-natural hold they still have on us? This obviously doesn't happen to them otherwise they wouldn't call. This unfortunate, but inevitable, scenario literally feels like another break-up. Think about you, you have to go all the steps again (hopefully quicker.) You cry, scream, pout. You even wonder why he is not calling again. And eventually, you move on with your life. That is, until he wants to catch-up again. What a vicious cycle. It's not fair that they can throw our lives completely upside down with one phone call, but yet they are completely unaffected by it. Typical male, no feelings. It makes you wonder why you ever date again, because the last thing I need is TWO guys doing this to me. One is more than enough. The Iphone needs to create an app for blocking ex-boyfriends unless they actually want to get together. Help a sister out all you computer nerds. My Iphone can do anything I want it to, and things I don't, but it can't help me avoid pain and suffering due to boys.

Rules, Schmules..

So my single friends and I have been discussing our single-ness, what else are we supposed to do with our lives? And we have all been talking about how the rules have changed. Now, I have two brothers, therefore I do have insight into the male world and how it works, plus don't misinterpret this and think that I understand the male species because I sure don't (If I did, would I be single?) I remember the high school days, it seemed that I always, always had a boyfriend! They would call, mom would take me to the movies where we would meet up and awkwardly hold hands in the two-seater chairs and when the "date" was over, we would rush home to chat about how much we like each other on AIM. Oh, those were the days. The way of the world was simple, boy pursue girl. Boy call girl, boy AIM girl, boy text girl, whatever way you like, boy contact girl. Boy tell girl he likes her. Boy and girl go to movies and viola, boy ask girl out. That was how it happened. But, something happens when you grow up, you get to college and the way of the world changes. No one tells you though, that's the tricky part, you have to figure it out on your own. This is college, but I've been in it 3 years and have yet to take Reading the Male Mind 101. The tables turn and boys discover beer, bars, and gullible freshman girls. The whole boy pursue girl thing, totally out the window. What genius decided that when you get to college, it suddenly becomes to girls job to pursue boy. I am so not OK with this. I don't want to pursue boy, i want boy to pursue me! This is the south people, what happened to chivalry? Courting? It's the good girls who are sitting around waiting to be pursued who are single (hello, prime example.) But I just don't get why we accept this? This is wrooooong! I'm telling ya, its a date-eat-date world out there and nice girls are finishing last! I, reluctantly, have decided to test this girl-seek-guy theory. I want to see if it actually works. If I (girl) approach experiment (boy,) I should have a positive reaction? So, my challenge for myself and all my other single ladies is to go out there and pursue! I guess guys have just become so dumb and lazy that it is now up to us to do the match making. As if boys didn't already expect us to everything else for them! I don't like it, but hey, it's 2009, things have changed.

Window Shopping

There are many sayings out there that I just can't stand, mostly because my parents say them 594 times a day. One of those is, "The grass is always greener on the other side." Hate it. It's one of those things I just ignore. But, I have heard the concept behind this saying presented in a new way and it actually means something to me. During sorority recruitment, the last round is a very emotional thing and it involves speeches. While I can't tell you what was said verbatim, I can tell you that the concept was, "from the outside looking in." This didn't mean a whole lot to me at the time, but I recently had a situation where it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a very naive GDI (non-greek) basically bash my sorority and all that goes with it. While yes, I complain about somethings I have to do, the good still out weighs the bad and I still love it. While this person was telling me how it sounded like I was a member of a cult, the first thing that came to my mind was, "spoken like a true outsider." That's just it. Have you ever walked past a store window and done a double take? A pair of shoes sitting on display catches your eye and you instantly attach yourself to the window and drop your jaw in awe of their beauty. You are positive that you must go inside and buy them and it will for sure change your life. (Hello, anyone seen Confessions of a Shopaholic? Girl in the green scarf!) So you storm in and demand them in your size and decide to try them on just to solidify the fact that you need them. But then something awful happens, once those glorious shoes are actually on your feet, they aren't as fabulous anymore. Is this the right shoe? Can't be.. but unfortunately, it is. So you walk out of the store defeated and sad. From the outside looking in, it looked amazing, but once inside, the reality was completely different. Looking in on a situation that you don't understand at all, you really have no leg to stand on. It saddened me that this person felt like they had the right to criticize my sisterhood and they know nothing about it. This happens every day, people feel the right to make opinions from the outside looking in. How many times have you actually bought something and been completely satisfied as a result of window shopping? It is a rare occurrence. So just remember that if something looks fabulous in the window, try it on, it may not be so fabulous once it is on you. And if something doesn't look so great on the mannequin, try it on, it could change your life.

Friend, Frenemy, same thing..

There's a quote out there, I believe it is from Dr. Seuss (obsessed) and it goes something like, "Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.” I have heard this quote numerous times, but today I realized its true meaning. I have a friend going through a difficult situation that we all have been through, if you say you haven't then you are lying! (Liar, liar, pants on fire!) She has fallen for a boy and (drum roll) he just happens to be one of her friends exes. (Gasp.) Now, before you go judging, because you probably are already thinking, who would do such a thing?! I know that we have all been there, maybe you have been the victim or maybe the do-er, either way, it is a familiar scenario. Now, I have been in this situation but it was back in high school. I had the typical absolutely gorgeous best friend, so naturally all the boys wanted her instead of me. So you can guess that I got used to guys breaking up with me and going to her. I'll be honest, I hated it, I felt so ugly, I never understand what was wrong with me! I finally got used to it! How awful is that? Well, listening to my friend go through this now, I realized something. We "friends" are not very friendly. What kind of friend tells you that if you date their ex from 2 years ago they will never speak to you again, that's just heartless. Dating is a game, you break up and you move on. If your best friend finds happiness, and it just so happens to be with a guy you once dated, so be it! As friends aren't we supposed to want each other to be happy? Since when are we allowed to say, "I want you to be happy, as long as I approve of your happiness." WRONG!! I know, some of you are yelling at me right now, because of the rule. Well, I disagree with that stupid rule. Unless your ex is your baby daddy, or you were engaged to him, he is free property sister!! If you care that much about your ex moving on, maybe you still have feelings for him and that's a whole new issue. I think it just really burns me up when I see so called 'friends' fighting over really mundane issues, like this. I realized that the only friends you need in your life are the ones who truly, truly want you to be happy. Even if that means dating their ex, if you are happy, they are happy. That's why I realized that it is true, those who mind don't matter and those who matter, don't mind.

Wrong, try again..

So I am reading this new book, yes, it is a dating book. But, it is a different type of dating book. I heard of this one on Cosmo Radio. This book is called "MENu Dating" by Tristan Coopersmith. This book isn't one of those books who promises that after reading it, Prince Charming will magically appear and you will live happily ever after. This book can be compared to a diet, its a program, with steps, and when you complete a step, you move on to the next level. It teaches you how to date effectively. But, I will talk more about the book once I actually read it. However, one thing has already stuck with me. That dating is a game of trial and error. You date this type, you either like it or not and you move on. This theory really makes sense the more you think about it. This made me think that not only is dating a game of trial and error, so is life itself. You spend your entire life trying things. When you are a child, your parents sign you up for soccer, basketball, cheerleading, dance lessons, everything possible. You either excel at it and continue, or they realize it is a waste of time. This trend follows us all throughout our life. When you grow up it is trial and error with careers, you try and try until something sticks. It's like when you go shopping, and you get an adrenaline rush because everything is so cute and you take more clothes to the dressing room than you can handle. But when you start trying them on, some things don't look as great as you thought they would, or that really cute flowy tunic makes you look prego. It's a game of trial and error, you can try on 55 shirts, but chances are, you won't like them all. I think if I could keep this in mind all the time, I wouldn't stress as much. Instead of making a big deal out of everything that happens in life, I should look at it as just another try. I'm trying something, giving it a shot and if it works out, makes me happy, looks good, etc, then great, I move on. But if it doesn't work, feels wrong, whatever, you just try again.

Hi, my name is Long Blonde Hair

So, today I got my hair done. Yes, I know that sounds like absolutely nothing. But, on this day, the 25th of August in the year 2009, I cut 3 inches off my long hair and added more low lites. (Gasp.) So my life long identity of Long Blond Hair, just became, Shoulder Length Dirty Blond. After leaving the salon, I was on a hair-high. I felt like I could do anything. I wanted anyone and everyone to see the new me and I wanted to tell the whole world to know that I was reborn. Now, yes, I realize that it is just hair, but I imagine that the rest of the girls in the world (or at least most of them) can relate. So I started thinking, why is it that a woman's hair can become her identity? My long, blond hair was me. It was who I was, it fit my personality, it fit everything about me. My name might as well have been long blond hair. But now, I feel so new. I feel like a brand new person. The world is mine all because I am now a shoulder length dirty blond. I am in a weirdly good mood, the sun is brighter, the sky is bluer, everything is right with the world. Now, after about a week, the newness will fade and I will go back to being me again, but until then, I have a new lease on life. It's no coincidence that when girls go through rough times, (break-ups, job changes, major life changes, etc) that the hair always, always changes. We chop it off, dye it, curl it, straighten it, dye it, something for a change. Hair is something that is ours, it is mine, I control my hair. No one can touch my hair, no one can have any say so on my hair, it is all mine. I think it is a power thing for girls, making a drastic change to our hair is our way of rebelling, acting out, making a statement, whatever. I think my hair change has come from boredom, uncertainty, stress, just wanting a change, wanting something new, and since I can't really make any life changes, I changed my hair. So, I think getting your hair done is the best thing you can do for yourself. Instead of spending money on a massage, go get a trim, or a blow out, or even just a shampoo from a salon. You will become a new woman and it will get people to notice you, after all, who doesn't love attention and compliments?

The Ugly Truth

So I went on a date the other night (that's a whole different story, which I will tell later.) But we went to go to see "The Ugly Truth", you know, the Katherine Heigl movie? Well, while the movie closely resembled "He's Just Not That Into You," it had a different, but important message. Katherine' character, which I can't remember her name, but it will come to me soon, was your basic control freak. But she did something that a lot of us women do, not just the control freaks out there. She had a list of criteria that a guy had to met in order to be good enough for her (hint: she had a hard time finding a boyfriend.) Her list was something like, "Likes red wine, has money, going to be a doctor/lawyer or something acceptable, tall, handsome, etc." She basically wanted the perfect guy. While I don't have time to explain the movie to you, go see it (its good,) Eventually she realizes that the problem with her love life isn't the guys, its her. She finally finds "Mr. Perfect," and she plays her cards right, and I mean follows every stinkin rule perfectly, and of course gets the guy. Eventually she realizes that even though she has the guy, she is no longer herself, she has become the perfect girlfriend.

So I realized, my problem with my love life isn't the male population, it's me. I have been entirely too picky, he's too short, his name is too common, his family doesn't have money, he's not this, he doesn't do that, etc. But at some point you have to realize there are way more important things in a relationship than liking the same wine. Sure, Mr. Perfect looks good on paper, but I realized that there is only one way to look at a potential partner, and it really is simple. Think about how things will be with this person when you are alone with him, no friends, no family, just the two of you. Can you have a decent conversation? Are you comfortable? Can you be yourself? If you answer yes to these, so far so good, if you answer no, then move on to the next candidate. Then ask yourself, if you were married to this person and you lost any money that you had, whether it be a billion dollars or just a few thousand dollars, what would be left in the relationship? Would you still be happy? Would you be able to go to sleep happy at night? The most important question you need to ask yourself is something that has unfortunately taken me too long to realize the importance of. What does this person believe in? What do they stand for? What do they value most in life? If your family is the most important thing to you, and they don't speak to their family, you might have problems. Will he go to church with you? Will he pray with you? If you can't agree on beliefs and values, then your relationship is doomed from the start.

My entire life I have dreamed of marrying your typical Southern gentlemen who came from money, was headed towards a promising career, someone handsome, basically someone who looked good on paper and on my arm. But I have realized now that none of that matters any more to me. My list has changed. My new list? I want someone I could sit in an emtpy room with and never run out of things to say. I want someone who supports me in everything I ever do, even if its stupid. I want someone who will go to church with me, pray with me, and keep me accoutnable to my beliefs. I want someone who loves family, theirs and mine. I want someone who loves me just as I am, even if no one else does. I want someone I can not only call my boyfriend, but my best friend.

Marriages fail every day, people go bank-rupt, people cheat. It is time to stop looking at how other people will see my significant other and look at the true connection between two people.

He-ro

From the time you are born, you have a hero, or heroes. The funny thing about heroes is that they seem to grow up with you. When you are first born, your heroes are your parents. You really don't get a choice in the matter, but who better to be your hero than the people who decided it would be a good idea to have a baby and as a result you were given life. I remember my first hero, my older brother. He was instantly cool to me. He knew things, I mean he was 18 months ahead of me in time. All I wanted was for him to like me and to show me his toys, teach me things, and if I was really lucky, play with me. This guy was it to me. Even if he did hate me and hit me with his toys, to me, he was playing with me and it meant he loved me. He also introduced me to another hero of mine, the Pink Power Ranger. My brother had a thing for power rangers, the boy ones that is. So naturally, the pink one was me. Why was she my hero? Well for one, she was pink but she was my way to connect to big bro. I could play power rangers with him. She could hang with the boys and still be totally girlie, what a woman. Through the years, my heroes changed. My little Pony had a huge impact on my life. That cute little pony was the greatest thing I had ever seen. Until Barbie that is. I mean, this woman was gorgeous, and had every career possible under her belt. I knew that one day I wanted to be just like her. She had Barbie dream home, Barbie dream car, Barbie dream looks, Barbie dream career of the day, and did I mean Barbie dream husband? Forget the talking pony, Barbie was my hero. Eventually, my heroes did become real people, but don't be fooled, Barbie is still on my top 5 list of heroes. My dance teacher was added to the list. I wanted to be as graceful and as beautiful of a dancer. Everything she said was like music to my ears, I couldn't get enough. My teachers at school. They were so smart, I wanted to be smart like them one day. My babysitters. They were so cool, they had cell phones and boyfriends and homework! They were so grown up, and way cool. I watched their every move with awe, would I be that cool one day? High School Cheerleaders. Now this was big to me. They were pretty, popular, flexible, peppy, everything a girl dreamed of being. They got to wear the uniform, have the pom-poms, date the football players. To an elementary school aged girl, cheerleader= popular = the only thing that matters in life. (Duh.)



Heroes can be whoever or whatever you want them to be. If you poll a bunch of people, most of them will say parents, teachers, family friends, the usual answers. You can ask why and you will get a whole bunch of answers. But there are a few qualities that are almost mandatory to categorize someone as a hero. They are funny, smart, charismatic, mature. A hero is someone you want to be like, you respect them. But often times there are a few flaws in the hero department. Lets go back to my hero of Barbie. Barbie is many, many things which we have already covered. Lets pick one word to describe Barbie: perfect. Barbie will never age, she will never get wrinkles, she will never get fired, she will never do anything wrong. Barbie will always be perfect Barbie. We assume all heroes will stay the same forever, that they are invincible.



If you asked me today who my hero is, I would have to think long and hard and would have trouble coming up with an answer. I could be cliche and tell you my parents (but honestly, who doesn't look up to their parents?) But I would honestly have to say that right now my entire family is my hero. My little brother is smarter and more talented than I could ever imagine to be, and he is only 16 years old. He is my hero. My older brother is still my hero, even though it may not be a matter of praying he will share his toys, it is now a matter of praying he will take time to have lunch with me, or just call and check in on my life. He is older and sometimes wiser. He is my hero. My mom always has and always will be. She is loud, brutal, and most people are annoyed by her loudness, but I hope that I can be half the woman she is, half the mother and half the wife. She is my hero. My father will also always be my hero. He is quiet, reserved, the completely opposite my mother and sometimes I just wait for him to blow up and lose his cool. He is the worlds best business man, politician, husband and father. He is my hero.



At 20 years old, I think that I have found the true way to spot a hero, the true "hero test" is how do they handle tougher than life situations? My grandfather is someone I have never really thought about in a heroic sense. Mainly because my idea of a hero is Barbie and Barbie he is not. But lately, I have been watching him fight the toughest fight possible; cancer. This is a man who never finished middle school, he can't speak Spanish, he can't really even read; he is not famous, he has never invented anything like the Mac. He couldn't tell you who Britney Spears is, you cant email him because he can't work a computer. I used to think he was just too old fashioned. I grew up my whole life just saying, Oh papa just doesn't understand that times have changed. But now I realize that if there ever was a poster child for the word hero, I was related to him. I always thought it was ridiculous that he insisted on starting his day at 5am, now I realize its called worth ethic. I used to think it was insane to not keep up with the times, now I realize its called tradition. My generation is the generation his generation despises. We listen to rap, we are lazy, we take everything for granted, we do things today that were completely unacceptable back then. I used to think it was just out dated, now I realize how sick our world is now compared to then. Growing up I always knew that my dad respected his father so much. I always assumed it was the whole father-son thing, but now I realize why. Simple is a word i could describe him with. He doesn't worry with much, if anything at all. Its the small things in life that matter. You follow simple rules for life, you go to work, you love your family, you go to church twice on Sunday and once on Wednesday, and you always say your prayers. He works so hard and has earned great rewards from it, but he couldn't care less about money or material things. He never wanted nice things or big houses. He always knew that his treasure was in heaven; never once in my life have I doubted his faith in Christ. My generation will go to school for years and earn multiple degrees from multiple universities. But the knowledge my Grandfather has, you can't teach. He learned with his hands. From an early age, you did work, hard work, with your bare hands. He didn't need fancy schools, he had himself and his brothers. The story of the Thrift Brothers wasn't written by a Hollywood writer, it wasn't a story, it was real life. A story that I will never understand how lucky I am to be able to know. My entire life I have been told what a "good man" my papa is, and everytime I hear it I just smile and say thanks, but now, it really means more to me than anything could. My papa was respected by anyone and everyone who came in contact with him, and money cant buy that. My grandfather has taught me so many things just in the past few months. To me, he was always invincible; he would always be up with the sun checking on his cows, meeting his brothers for a morning biscuit before anyone else was awake. He would always be calling my Father every 5 minutes and my dad would always be jumping and running to do as his father said. He would always be that voice on the other end of the phone while I'm at college asking me, "I'm still your boyfriend, right?" He would always be there to call us up for dinner at either A. The Galley or B. Pixie and Bills. He would always be there to remind my dad that even in his 70s, he still had a full head of thick black hair and my dad was going bald at 45. He would always be there to fall asleep while our entire family is sitting in his living room and snore louder than we could talk. In my mind, my grandfather would always be there, and would always be the same. Over the past few months, I had to realize that heroes are not invincible. Heroes will not always be there and sometimes, a hero needs a hero. Even though these past few months have been stressful and tiring and emotional straining, I have gained a respect and admiration for my grandfather than I will never lose. I finally realized that if it were not for my grandfather, I would not be who I am today. I write constantly about my voyages here and there in my Jimmy's and Manolo's, but today I wanted to write about the man who made my life possible. At age 12 I was learning designer names, becoming a cheerleader and leading a normal life. At the age of 12, my grandfather was working from 5am on, with his bare hands.

So if you ask my today who my hero is, my answer will be my family. My answer will also be my grandfather. At this point in my life the man who has been the hero for all of us, is in need of heroes from us. We all have had to step up and become heroes for him. I couldn't be more proud of the heroes this tragic event has made my family. My family is my hero, but most of all, my grandfather is every ones hero.

20

As I type, I am in my final minutes of being a teenager; at midnight I will officially become 20 years old. I have had many, many mixed emotions about this milestone in my life. I feel a sense of maturity, not having to include the word 'teen' in my age. I have also been agonizing and tormenting myself over this mark of "growing up." I have officially hit the point where I am including in the "20's," all magazine articles about wrinkles are not directed at me. A lot is going to happen in my 20's; people get married in their 20's, you graduate college, you find a real job, you start paying your own bills, and people even have babies in their 20's. All of this is extremely horrifying to me. Growing up scares me. Uncertainty of life scares me, not knowing what is going to happen to me and in my life. It makes me sad to think of how different this birthday will be from all the others. You're too old for all those cute surprises, you aren't legally able to drink (even though you should be,) It's not a big birthday, like 18 or 21, it's just another birthday that makes you one year older. I know on this birthday, one of my best childhood friends wont call me at midnight on the done, the way he has for about 10 years. I won't be getting together with my high school girlfriends at our favorite Mexican restaurant, there will be no romantic birthday dinner with a boyfriend, and my best friend from high school probably won't even call/text me to say Happy Birthday. All of these things are sad, but they are all apart of birthdays and growing up.

An amazingly great friend of mine came to visit me tonight. While for the past 4 years I have been secretly in love with him, hoping we would someone get back together, we have continued to be very close friends. He knows me better than most and gave me some series insight tonight. He made me realize that I live through my past. I am always comparing things to things I used to have. I am always wondering why things cant be the way they were. I always miss ex boyfriends when I shouldn't. Who cares if my old friends won't wish me happy birthday, I have new friends that will. Instead of dwelling on those who don't call, I need to be thankful for those who will. Instead of crying over an ex boyfriend who has moved on, I need to be focusing on my next boyfriend. He made me realize that I shouldn't be looking at this birthday in fear and agony, I should be excited about what lies ahead. I am growing up and great things are going to come my way. Its time to move on, forget the past. I need to let go and move forward and start creating my new life at my new age.

As I finish writing this, I am 20 years old. I am officially part of the 20's crowd and I am fabulous. I have learned from my past and I look back on it and smile. I remember good times had, but look forward to greater times to come. I remember best friends but am thankful for better friends. I remember old loves, but look forward to deeper love. I remember my teenage years, but look into my adult years with excitement. I am 20, I am fabulous, and I am moving on.

Confessions of a shopaholic

I'm sure many of you have seen this movie. I missed it while it was in the theaters (who has time to go to the movies these days?) So I have been patiently awaiting it to come out for rental, and ta-da, it has! Just judging by the title, I was positive this movie would be the story of my life. Well, how shocked was I to see not only was this so close to my life, I found it inspirational. Now, let me just say this, I do not have a ridiculous amount of debt, I do not even own a credit card, (shocking, but its called living under your parents rules.) So don't freak out, I do not having a shopping addiction, at least not yet, the day I get a credit card might be a different story. It is nothing new that I worry every single day over what I am going to do with my life, but I have extremely high goals and very large dreams. Much like Becks, I hope to one day live in NYC with a fabulous job and a fabulous closet. Even though the main purpose of the movie is to pay off her debt, the one key thing she needs in her life: stability. In order to have a stable credit card balance, you need a stable paycheck. In order to gain a stable paycheck you need a stable job. In order to gain a stable job, you need a stable life. See where I'm going with this? Stability is never the answer to the question, "What do you want in life?" But it should be. I continue to agonize over what the heck I am going to do with my life, but I do know one thing, I want stability. I'd like a stable job, a stable paycheck, and preferably a stable relationship. I think people are too hard on the real life Rebbecca Bloomwoods, but if you ask me, they are the smartest people in the world. I know the my life is nothing but chaos now, but all chaos eventually leads towards stability, if you work hard enough. So I know that if I just focus and work hard, I too can find stability in life. Hopefully even a stable man like Luke Brandon :).

Class is more than something you go to in college..

Growing up I will admit I was and might still be a bit naive. I thought, for the longest time, everyone lived like I did and that the things I did, things I had and the way my family operated was completely normal. My oh so wonderful small town taught me otherwise. I won't waste your time rambling about how blessed I am and yada yada, but, there is something that many people lack that doesn't cost a dime; class. Class is timeless, everyone should have some, but unfortunately, many people have no class. My mom taught me from a very early age to be above all, classy. Southern girls, if raised properly, have a reputation for being classy. For the most part, this is true. I've been dealing with a situation with a "friend," (i use that term ever so loosely,) while I won't bother you with the details of said situation, I will tell you that after being ignored, I finally have just given up because I realize this person has zero class. It bothers me, I mean, didn't every ones mother teach them they way mine did? Being classy, having manners, being a lady, these should be things we are taught and we just live our life that way. Let me tell you, people can be mean, and i mean MEAN!! Down right vicious. In my life I have had my share of mean people, people who just did mean things for a reason I still don't understand. It just hurts me, I want to bring them to my mother and let her give them a lesson on what it means to be a lady. People will never cease to amaze me, but its people that you think you are friends with who will shock you the most. I think we all need to have a refresher course in how to be a classy lady, no one is perfect lets be honest. I think it just bothers me when people act so rude because I expect everyone to have class. I suppose I just need to remind myself that not everyone has class, even though they should.

Reality-Check

Here I am about to enter my Junior year of college. In 2 very short years I will be graduating and heading out into the real world. My entire life my life plan has been as follows: Go to amazingly huge and wonderful Southern University (check,) join the best sorority full of the finest girls on campus (not so much) find the most proper southern gentleman coming from a very prominent southern family (still looking..) be proposed to with a 4 carat beautiful diamond and have my very own candlelight (there's still time..) graduate and get married and live the best life ever. OK, well obviously nothing has gone according to plan. This is causing me to have a midlife crisis, well I suppose since I haven't even hit 20 yet, a quarter-life crisis. What am I doing with my life? Why am I here? Where am I going? I am taking a class this summer and we have to make a resume, sounds normal right? This made me realize that I have nothing to put on said resume except a sorority I don't even like, hyperventilation starts now. I don't know what I want to do with my life, all I know is I want to do something fabulous and somewhere fabulous. Every day of my life I wonder, would I be happier somewhere else? Should I transfer? Should I get a job? Should I be doing an internship? Is this what my life is going to be? Is this as good as it gets? I am obviously full of questions, but not full of answers! College is supposed to be the greatest 4 years of your life, what if I don't feel that way? What if I am spending my college days worrying about what I am going to do when my college days are over? Do other people feel like this? Are other people as happy as they seem? Does anyone my age actually have it all together? Sad thing is, only I can decide what I want to do, which is a problem because I don't know. I need someone to tell me what to do, maybe I should hire a life coach? That would be horrific, but, I do feel like I need that. I only have 2 years left, I want them to be amazing, so wonderful that I look back on them and smile. I also want them to be worthwhile, I should be working toward some kind of career goal so that when I do graduate, I am for sure headed somewhere fabulous. Time to start figuring out what to do in order to get my fairy tale southern life.

Humbling Reminder

I think that every now and then God sends a long something to hit us in the head and remind us how blessed we really are. I often get caught up in my own life and in my own problems and forget that there are many, many people in this world who have it way worse than me. I forget how lucky I am all too often. In one of my classes we are working on a group project, I got to talking with a girl in my group and what I learned about her shocked me. She was telling me that she is getting married at the end of the month, sounds amazing right? She has been engaged for 8 years, she gave birth to her son right when they got engaged, she knew she couldn't afford a wedding so they have been saving up for 8 years! An engagement is something I get so excited dreaming of, I'll get engaged and have about a year to plan the perfect wedding and never bat an eye about who will pay for it all. On top of saving up for her wedding, she works the night shift at the children's detention center, I can't even begin to imagine what that job is like not to mention working through the night. She then told me that she pays for school her self. So lets recap, planning a wedding, has an 8 year old son, works all night long, goes to school during the day and pays for school her self. Wow. I think my life is hard and I don't do anything other than go to school which I definitely don't pay for myself. It reminded me that I am so blessed that I can't even comprehend what living her life would be like. It reminded me to stop and just be thankful for all that I have. I genuinely wish that everyone could be blessed like I have been but I know that isn't possible. People like this girl in my class show me that some people really do struggle and people really have it hard. Next I get stressed out and think that my life is tough, I will think of this girl and remind myself to stop whining, life could be a lot worse.

Destination Unknown

Today, I woke up and decided it was a great day for a road trip. Most people slept in, went to the pool, stayed in bed til noon, or just did nothing, I on the other hand hopped in my car and headed to Atlanta. I just love that place, I don't have to do anything except be there and it instantly makes me happy, it's kind of like therapy for the soul. So after my day of shopping was done, I headed back down the interstate, well, I happened to be on the phone and missed the exit. I ended up on like the main road of Atlanta so I wasn't totally lost, (but dangerously close.) Instead of panicking (I do have a GPS if things got really bad,) or calling my mom freaking out, I decided to just ride it out, I had to come out somewhere right? While driving it was so fun to see new things and places, it was like being on a mini adventure. Along this adventure I discovered Atlanta has a Blue Fin (one of my fave sushi places in NYC!) I also decided that I would be OK with marrying someone who wanted to live in Buckhead. Eventually I was able to use my marvelous directional skills and navigate back to the interstate, ok so I turned on the GPS. BUT, my little journey made me realize something, being lost and not knowing where to go is scary, nerve racking, thrilling and exciting all at the same time, but being lost can be a good thing. Sometimes, just cruising, going where the road leads, wherever that may be, is the best thing to do. It's terrifying to me that I don't have a life plan, that I don't know what path my life is on, but instead of worrying about it, I should enjoy it. I should enjoy being young and not having to have a plan. Sometimes being lost is the best way to be.

Big fish, small fish, red fish, blue fish

In class today, we were on the topic of organizations and how they work, how they operate, yada yada. We got to talking about how someone bosses or big CEO's forget that once upon a time, they were the intern, or the newcomer, at one time they too were scared to death of walking through the office doors. Well, here on campus right now they are having orientation for incoming freshman. Let me just say, I think we are one of if not the only school that has an orientation so detailed that it is literally a camp, it lasts 3 days and you have a counselor. I think its a little unnecessary but that's a whole different topic. Point being, this got me to thinking, or should I say going down memory lane. I remember my freshman days, (yes I do realize I am only a junior.) It really is hard to believe that I am halfway done with college (scary, halfway to the real world.) I remember the excitement, the hope that you have for all the great things to come. I remember being so optimistic about the things to come. I knew college was going to be amazing. Campus seemed so big at first, but now, it seems so small. It doesn't seem as great anymore, I don't get a rush of excitement driving downtown, I don't light up when I pass someone wearing my school's hat or shirt. After a while, you lose the meaning of why you came here, I remember the moment I decided to come here. I was so mesmerized, so in love with everything I saw, and this was before I even got out of the car. Its sad that this feeling has to go away. This is true in all areas of life, as we grow up we forget the little things, how exciting small things used to be. I feel we all grow up and just lose that excitement for life. So I am going to try and take some time and small at small things, take some time to notice the young freshman on campus who couldn't be more excited and nervous, or the old couple holding hands downtown, or even just look around at where you are and remember how you felt the first time you saw it.

College

I don't know if any of you have heard the song, "I love College" by Asher Roth. Well, let me just say, typical boy. This song really bothers me, and I mean really. Which brings me to the question, why do people go to college. College is not cheap, oh no no, have you ever sat down to look at the numbers? I mean, tuition by its self, especially for us out of state folks, is outrageous, then you have to add in books, living, sorority/fraternity dues, its nuts! Now, don't get me wrong, I am not saying that I go to class every day, go to the library every night and never step foot downtown. However, I realize the importance of this so called education that I am getting here. I realize that I am not paying, 'scuse me, my father is not paying for me to party every single day. Where I grew up, college wasn't something people talked about. No one even thought about going to college, shocking I know. I was the weird one who not only wanted to go to a university, but out of state! I think we all forget what a privilege it is to go to college. Now, I do go to one of those big huge fabulous southern university where most of us are just living on daddy's money, but, I still think we should all be thankful. What I'm really saying, is I don't understand why people like Mr. Roth's song so much, I mean, yeah I love college too but for extremely different reasons! I love going to class and meeting people, football games, sorority life, walking around campus and seeing friends, walking around shopping downtown. There's plenty more to college than partying like a rock star, I'd love to know where Mr. Roth went to college, if he did at all, and what kind of grades he made.